Roger Goodell has issued his judgment, docking the Pats a first-round draft pick if they make the playoffs (or a second- and third-round pick if they don't, but who are we kidding?) and assessing $750,000 worth of fines split between Bill Belichick and the team. I think the Pats got off easy. While a first-round draft pick may seem like a big deal, the Pats have displayed a consistent ability to find talent deep in the draft. With the highway robbery perpetrated by first-round picks this year, not having such a selection can free up some precious salary cap room. As for the fines, it's only money. Yeah, it's a significant chunk of Belichick's salary, but it won't put the man on the street. Frankly, I was expecting to see The Hooded One suspended for two or three games. If the NFL didn't do it, I wouldn't be surprised for Bob Kraft to impose the suspension itself. (Forfeiture was not a realistic option, since the tape was confiscated before halftime, meaning that Ellis Hobbs and Randy Moss did their thing without video assistance.)The irony is that the Pats didn't even need to do what they did. The team was and is absolutely stacked and perfectly capable of winning the Super Bowl without resorting to dubious means in order to do it. Now, fairly or unfairly, the three championships that the Pats won have been cast into doubt.
As always, the following picks are for entertainment purposes only and should not be the basis of any actual cash wagers.
Last week: 8-6-2
Best Bets: 0-1
Eliminator: 1-0
The Monkey: 1-0
Patriots (-3.5) over Chargers
If you're going to steal defensive signs, you should at least find a team with defensive signals worth stealing. I assume the Pats won't steal the Chargers' signal telling Shawne Merriman to come to the sideline for another anabolic steroid shot. WIN
Texans (+6.5) over Panthers
Houston fans, thy savior is Matt Schaub. After being driven out of town, David Carr faces his old team and will be left to wonder what would have happened if he actually had an offensive line to work with. WIN
Jaguars (-10) over Falcons
Note to Falcons management: As soon as you get fed up with Joey Harrington's incompetence (probably by next week), I hear there's another quarterback who used to play for the Jaguars you might be interested in picking up. He couldn't be any worse than what you have right now. LOSS
Titans (+7) over Colts
You can usually count on this divisional rivalry being a tough game. One can only pray that the Colts lose a game well before people once again start talking about "Can Peyton Manning go 16-0?" nonsense. (As for "Can Tom Brady go 16-0?" bring it on.) WIN
49ers (+3) over Rams
I have no factual basis for saying this, but I'll say so anyway: Frank Gore is one of the most underrated players in the league. I actually think the Niners have an outside shot at a weak NFC West. WIN
Packers (E) over Giants
Memo to Eli Manning: if you ever want to hold a candle to older brother Peyton, you're not going to do it by sitting on the bench with an injury. WIN
Steelers (-9.5) over Bills
One NFL commentator called the Bills second-best team in the AFC East. If they're second-best, I'd hate to see third and fourth. WIN
Bengals (-6.5) over Browns
With Charlie Frye becoming persona non grata after two quarters, Browns fans are clamoring for Brady Quinn to get the start in the second game of his NFL career. Why don't we just ask Tim Couch how well that worked out for him? LOSS
Saints (-3.5) over Bucs
Thoroughly overmatched by the Colts last week, I think the Saints will do just fine against a team that doesn't play in the AFC. LOSS
Vikings (+3) over Lions
Just because Detroit managed some late-game heroics against the putrid Oakland Raiders doesn't mean the Lions have escaped the NFL cesspool where they've spent, oh, the last forty years. TIE
Cowboys (-3.5) over Dolphins
Now that Tony Romo has been liberated from the brooding presence of Drew Bledsoe looming over his shoulder, he can finally treat the Cowboys like they're his own team. It really showed last week. WIN
Seahawks (-3) over Cardinals
Contractual obligations require me to say something about what in all likelihood will be a Seahawks blowout in a game they shouldn't even really bother playing. Now that such a prognostication is in print, watch me be completely wrong. LOSS
Ravens (-10) over Jets
I heard the Jets fans cheer last week when Chad Pennington was injured and his backup came into the game. Just want to make sure you guys realize it's Kellen Clemens, not Roger Clemens, right? LOSS
Bears (-12) over Chiefs
Kansas City looked absolutely pathetic in managing a mere field goal against the Texans. At least they'll have Rex Grossman throwing passes to them this week. LOSS
Broncos (-10) over Raiders
Desperation set in for the Raiders this past week as they caved into Jamarcus Russell's exorbitant contract demands. Now, they're paying him the highest rookie salary in history for the privilege of spending the next six weeks trying to learn the system he should have mastered during training camp, by which time the Raiders' season will be beyond hope. (Actually, I imagine it was probably beyond hope about sixteen seconds into their first game.) LOSS
Redskins (+6.5) over Eagles
In light of the Patriots' sign-stealing controversy, several Eagles players claim that the stolen signals were the reason they lost Super Bowl XXXIX. Hmm, I'm going to have to stick with Donovan McNabb blowing chunks on the field and the world's slowest no-huddle offense.
BEST BET: Seahawks (-3) over Cardinals LOSS
ELIMINATOR: Jacksonville Jaguars WIN
THE MONKEY: Bucs (+3.5) over Saints WIN
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