Wild Wild West

I have returned from my excursion out West, and in order to provide my faithful readers with an account of my trip, I'll be posting reports over the next week or so. We're going to do something a little different here -- I'll be posting retroactively as if I were writing in real time, with date/time stamps representing when I actually visited such sites, rather than when I'm writing about them. So, this post will be the most recent one on It's A Magical World for a while, but I'll be adding lots of new material into what will appear to be old posts. The posts will contain hyperlinks to my photos within their text, but if you're so inclined to skip straight to the photos, the posts will also link directly to my album. Follow all that? Should become clear if you just scroll down the page. I will also post various vital statistics about my trip here as they become available.

Vital statistics:
Departed home: 10:45 a.m. on Saturday, August 12th
Returned home: 12:15 a.m. on Thursday, August 24th
Miles driven: 3,345
Miles hiked: 50 (approximately)
States visited: 7 (CO, NE, SD, WY, MT, ID, UT)
National Parks visited: 10 (Wind Cave, Badlands, Yellowstone, Grand Teton, Zion, Bryce Canyon, Capitol Reef, Arches, Canyonlands, Rocky Mountain)
National Monuments visited: 3 (Devil's Tower, Craters of the Moon, Grand Staircase-Escalante)
National Memorials visited: 1 (Mount Rushmore)
National Forests visited: 10 (Nebraska, Black Hills, Bighorn, Shoshone, Bridger-Teton, Caribou-Targhee, Dixie, White River, Arapaho, Roosevelt)
State lines crossed: 7 (CO-NE, NE-SD, SD-WY, WY-MT, WY-ID, ID-UT, UT-CO)
State lines crossed on foot: 1 (MT-WY)
States in which we slept: 6 (CO, SD, WY, MT, ID, UT)
States in which we slept consecutive nights: 2 (MT, UT)
Different beds in which I slept: 9
Latest wake-up time: 7:00 a.m.
Gallons of gas consumed: 169.8
Miles per gallon: 19.7
Average cost per gallon of gas: $3.063
Photographs taken counting deletions: 635
Photographs taken and not deleted: 598
Photographs uploaded to my online photo albums: 402

America's Ceiling

Our last obstacle between ten days of exploring and an amazing home cooked meal was Rocky Mountain National Park. Now, I was thrilled about having been above 10,000 feet a week before at Yellowstone. We blew through that milestone on the interstate highway in Colorado. Once we reached Rocky Mountain, we made our way up from the lush Colorado River valley (yeah, the docile-looking Colorado River is the same one that managed to create Canyonlands), where we saw moose grazing, into the arctic tundra zone above the tree line. On that drive, we reached two miles above sea level and kept climbing. We also crossed the Continental Divide yet again. Finally, we arrived at the ceiling of the lower 48 states, where 12,000 foot elevations were a mere nature walk from the road.

Think about this: Mt. Washington, generally regarded as the king (or perhaps the president) of the Appalachians, is 6,288 above sea level. It seems puny. But the visitor center at the entrance of the park already higher than Mt. Washington. The Rockies are so named not just because they contain a lot of rock, but because nothing much taller than a blade of grass can grow at their highest elevations, you can see the rock in all its glory. On August 22, snow continued to sit in place atop many of these peaks.

For the record, my new personal elevation record is 12,304 feet. I don't plan on eclipsing it for a long while.

For my Rocky Mountain photo album, click here.

Incisions In The Earth

In what has by now become a recurring theme for my trip, I was baffled yet again by what I saw at Canyonlands. When you enter the park, you wonder what makes it so special. You're driving along through arid grasslands filled with scrub brush trying to figure out why this grassland is different from any other grassland. Suddenly, you see the land off to the side suddenly give way and you realize that you're on a gigantic mesa called Island in the Sky. Twelve hundred feet below you lies a plateau called the White Rim. Then, carved into the White Rim out in the distance as if someone had taken a scalpel to the earth, were another whole set of canyons, these ones following their own pattern. Finally, at the very center of these incisions, another thousand feet down, was another small canyon containing a ribbon of green. If you squinted and focused, you could see a tiny river running through it.

How could such a small river in the distance carve out such a massive array of canyons within canyons? The Needles and Maze mesas were so far away that you struggle to believe that they are part of the same system. The adventurous can hike down to the White Rim and traverse the exposed plateau. Beware, because distances can be deceiving and there is no shade once you are out there. After almost 50 miles of hiking over the previous eight days, we were not adventurous. So we stuck to short hikes along the Rim Trail and up to Upheaval Dome, a feature that, to this day, geologists are unsure whether it is the remnant of a salt dome or a meteorite impact.

Mere photos do not do justice to the size and intricacy of this park. It is a sight you must behold in person.

For my Canyonlands photo album, click here.

Large Rocks With Holes In Them

Two things boggled my mind about Arches: the fact that such structures could be carved out of solid rock by mere force of water, and the fact that such structures have not yet collapsed under the weight of a moderately-sized snowfall. Seriously, some of the arches -- Landscape Arch in particular -- are a mere ribbon of rock. A portion of Landscape actually collapsed in the early 1990's. It is doomed to destruction but nobody knows just quite when. Delicate Arch, the unofficial state symbol of Utah, appears slightly more secure, but when viewed from the side, you see how appropriate the name is. Other arches worth exploring include The Windows, Turret Arch, Skyline Arch, Pine Tree Arch, and Tunnel Arch. For those of you who don't like hemitoroidal structures, you can check out Balanced Rock (glued on pretty well through the processes of sedimentation but still subject to collapse at a moment's notice) and this little formation that welcomes visitors to the park.

Also of note in the area of Arches is the Colorado Riverway, a canyon with tall, red rock cliffs through which runs the UT-128 highway. It is a breathtaking drive as you wind your way through the canyon, but since such features are a dime a dozen in Southern Utah, the canyon lacks a real name or any special protective designation.

For my Arches photo album, click here.

Reefer Madness

Our traverse of southern Utah brought us through our nation's largest national monument and one of its lesser known national parks. Grand Staircase-Escalante was declared a national monument by Bill Clinton in 1996, pursuant to the Antiquities Act, which enables the president to make unilateral designations in the case of features of significant cultural or scientific interest and may also protect surrounding parcels of land limited to the smallest area compatible with the underlying purpose. Well, in an election year stunt, Clinton declared 1.9 million acres in Utah as a national monument, withdrawing that land from extractive uses. However, Clinton kept the land under the oversight of the Bureau of Land Management, rather than transferring it to the National Park Service. The Bureau of Livestock and Mining, as it is derisively known by its critics, now had to manage the land for preservation purposes -- a mandate outside its general purview of resource extraction. Anyhow, Grand Staircase features some amazing panoramic views of the countryside with mountains and cliffs and canyons and rivers on a gigantic scale, along with some fascinating insight into the geologic history of the area.

Capitol Reef is an underappreciated national park largely because what it seeks to preserve, a feature known as the Waterpocket Fold, is located a two-hour off-road drive from the main park thoroughfare. The Waterpocket Fold is basically a wrinkle in the earth's crust that has eroded away. What remains is a sheer cliff wall, known by pioneers as a reef, met by a gently sloping collection of white bulbous features that resemble the United States Capitol. Hence the name. The park also features many red rock geologic formations.

For my Grand Staircase and Capitol Reef photo album, click here.

Sunrise Surprise at Bryce

Another of our can't-miss attractions during the course of our trip was watching the sun rise from Sunset Point in Bryce Canyon National Park. (The irony of the name did not go unnoticed, but trust me when I say that it makes a better place to experience dawn than Sunrise Point.) Bryce Canyon is populated by tens of thousands of narrow spires known as hoodoos -- a name that derived from the word voodoo because of the spires appear so sinister and other-worldly. Over the centuries, the forces of erosion splintered solid rock and carved it into these free-standing hoodoos.

One of the amazing things about watching sunrise was being able to see Bryce Canyon gradually change color from a muted rose to a magenta to a goldenrod to a harsh orange. After seeing the sun rise, we went for a hike down into the canyon where we could observe these hoodoos up close. Some of the formations have been given rather whimsical names, like Thor's Hammer and Queen Victoria.

For my Bryce Canyon photo album, click here.

Trail To Heaven

If I had to pick just one, I would have to say that Zion is the most beautiful of all the national parks we visited. Majestic red rock monoliths rise almost completely vertically from the base of a canyon through which a stream flows. When you throw in lush green vegetation in full bloom, the place glows. Zion is also home to what is arguably the most absurd hike in the national park system: Angel's Landing. While there was a lot we wanted to see and do on our trip, Angel's Landing was one of our top highlights.

The first two miles of the hike are nothing special. It is a moderately steep hike with lots of switchbacks, including a 21-switchback section known as Walter's Wiggles after the park superintendent who ingeniously figured out a way to carve them into the mountainside. One section of the trail even took us through a lush, shady grotto that was a welcome respite from the 96° southern Utah heat.

With a half-mile to go, you must make an important choice. You can chicken out, or you can proceed onto the interesting part and traverse the razorback spine of a mountain up to a small plateau. The trail, in places, is as narrow as three feet. On one side of you, there's a sheer thousand-foot drop. On the other side, the drop is twelve hundred feet. Chains are bolted into the mountain to enable you to maintain some semblance of balance. After you go up and over a large hump of rock the really fun part begins, and by fun, I mean near-vertical. Bipeds were never intended to reach the top of Angel's Landing. Oh, and because I always have to make things interesting, I started the hike a mere fourteen hours after I was in the Central Valley Medical Center in Nephi, Utah, being treated for injuries sustained in my caving "incident" at Craters. My left leg was limited to maybe a 50° range of motion. I could walk, albeit slowly and with a heavy limp, particularly when dealing with steep grades. But I had traveled across the country for this very hike and I was willing to do whatever it took to complete it. After all, my other three limbs were in perfect condition.

Angel's Landing is a strenuous physical test, but more so, it is a mental test. You must stare down death (but don't stare down at death, or you will develop a nasty case of vertigo). Summitting requires the utmost in concentration. Every step you take must be carefully considered and you must not release a handhold or a foothold unless you are sure you are otherwise secure. The views around you are incredibly magnificent, but you musn't succumb to the temptation to take a look. Halfway up the final summit, I started saying the Shema to myself, partly to praise G-d for this wonderful masterpiece of nature, partly to ask Him to keep me safe as I made my ascent, and partly just to focus on something beyond the steep drop just inches from my feet. As the saying goes, there's one way up Angel's Landing but there are two ways down.

It was worth it. It was SOOOOOO worth it. (My heart has been pounding the entire time just writing this blog entry two weeks after the fact.)

The bum leg had quite the difficult time with the descent, considering I could put zero pressure on my left knee to counteract the forces of gravity. I made it back down in one piece and then made a beeline for the river for a well-deserved cool down.

Oh, and there are some other really cool formations in Zion, such as the Great White Throne, the Checkerboard Mesa, and the Three Patriarchs.

For my Zion photo album, click here.

A Slice Of The Moon, In Idaho

Our next stop was the middle of nowhere in Idaho. You see, at some point in the past, not too long ago, there was an active volcano right there, despite the fact that the nearest site of currently active volcanic activity is at least several hundred miles away. Craters of the Moon National Monument was set up to preserve the remnants of this geologic event.

At Craters, you can go on a walk through lava fields and up and into a blown-out volcanic crater. You can also climb up a cinder cone and various spatter cones. From a high vantage point, you can see an amazing contrast where the lava field ends and the prairie begins. The most exciting, and as I found out the hard way, the most dangerous part of the monument is the group of caves formed from lava tubes. Heed the warnings to wear long pants and bring multiple (working) sources of light.

For my Craters of the Moon photo album, click here.

Crown Jewels of the Rockies

Just south of Yellowstone lies Grand Teton National Park, home of the eponymous Grand Teton mountain and its companions in the Teton Range. The Grand Tetons are exactly what you expect the Rocky Mountains to look like -- steep, jagged, snow-capped peaks of exposed rock. For this reason, the Tetons are referred to as the crown jewels of the Rocky Mountains.

Ironically, for such a beautiful national park, there isn't a heck of a lot to do, at least compared with its immediate neighbor to the north. Jackson Lake offers great opportunities for boating while looking at the mountains. The park road through the valley known as Jackson Hole offers great opportunities for looking at the mountains. There are campsites where you can set up tents while looking at the mountains. As for hiking, the steep, exposed nature of the peaks makes trekking without specialized equipment highly inadvisable. So, drive through, gawk, bask -- they are gorgeous, don't get me wrong -- and make your way onto the next thing.

For my Grand Teton photo album, click here.

Top Five Reasons Why Yellowstone Is Amazing

Yellowstone is considered the 800-pound gorilla of the National Park Service. While I was initially unimpressed -- the park seemed no different at first blush than anything else in that area of the country -- all the different things that make Yellowstone so unique quickly became apparent.

1. Geothermal features
Everybody knows about Old Faithful, and judging from the tourist infrastructure set up around that geyser, many people likely come to Yellowstone solely to see that geyser. But Old Faithful is merely the tip of the iceberg. The central portion of Yellowstone is a gigantic volcanic caldera sitting atop a magma hot spot that protrudes upward through the earth's crust. Geothermal features of all different varieties abound throughout the park. They range from multi-hued hot springs to steaming fumaroles to bubbling pools of mud to terraced outflows. Even among geysers, there are huge variations, including those that are constantly churning, those that are dormant, those that erupt regularly, and those that erupt only when they damn well feel like it.

2. Scenic landscapes
Yellowstone is gorgeous -- enough said. Perhaps the scenic centerpiece is the Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone. Unlike the Grand Canyon of the Colorado, the forces of erosion are very much at work in this triangular shaped valley that is filled with the rushing currents and the cascades of the Yellowstone River. While the water is too fast and shallow to go rafting in the central part of the canyon, such activities are available in other parts of the river. Those of us who don't like to get our feet wet can engage in almost 1,000 miles worth of hiking trails, such as the summit trail to Mt. Washburn. As you gain in elevation, you experience sweeping vistas of the rest of the park below. Sadly, wildfires in 1988 wiped out about a third of the forest land, though saplings have now appeared amongst the dead trunks of burnt trees, showing that the forest is on its way toward recovery.

3. Wildlife
Nowhere else have I experienced the ability to see so much wildlife in its natural environment from such close range. One of visitors' favorite activities in Yellowstone is driving around and stopping where you see a whole bunch of parked cars to check out the fuss for yourself. While we were there, we saw herds of bison camped out by a stream, elk munching on grass from the village green in Mammoth Hot Springs during the early morning hours, bighorn sheep grazing along the trail up Mt. Washburn right in front of us, a black bear and her cub foraging in distance, gigantic ravens strutting around the parking lots, families of deer, pronghorn antelopes, and a whole smattering of rodents and unique insects all over the place.

4. It's Huge
Yellowstone covers 3,470 square miles, which makes it larger than either Delaware or Rhode Island. And yet, there are only 289 miles of public vehicular thoroughfares in the entire park. Doing the math, that's one mile of road for every twelve square miles of park. The rest is wilderness. Yellowstone is truly a place where you can go hiking in the backcounty for a week and literally not encounter another human soul.

5. Something For Everybody
For the casual tourist who likes sightseeing without a lot of physical activity, the infrastructure is well developed around landmarks like Old Faithful and the canyon. You can drive the tour bus up to the curb, let Grandma go see the geyser erupt, and then load everybody back up for the next stop. Visitors who prefer more intensive activities can hike or raft or go horseback riding or set up a tent right outside their car in a campground. And for the ultimate outdoors enthusiast, there remains the aforementioned week-long backcountry expedition that allows an escape. The entrance gate to Yellowstone reads "For the benefit and enjoyment of the people" -- all of the people.

For my Yellowstone photo album, click here.

Close Encounter of the Geologic Kind

Our first sight in Wyoming was a hulking monolith that rose straight out of the hilly farmland in the northeastern corner of the state. Devil's Tower is the remnant of an ancient volcano. The magma core of the volcano hardened and the rest of the volcano eroded away entirely around it. The result is an 800-foot tall near-vertical block of solid rock. Devil's Tower is actually made up of a collections of cylindrical stalks of hardened lava, bound together as if they were a sheaf of wheat. The formation is a challenge for rock climbers on par with El Capitan. It is also a sacred place for Native Americans.

While the national monument was used as the setting for the climax of Close Encounters of the Third Kind, there were no little green men running around on the morning of my visit. The only close encounters I experienced were with wildlife. I was able to get up close and personal with a rabbit, a family of deer, and a bunch of prairie dogs.

For my Devil's Tower photo album, click here.

Dead Presidents

I didn't consider Mount Rushmore to be a particularly important part of our trip. After all, we were out West to explore natural beauty rather than what I initially thought amounted to a glorified tourist trap. However, when driving down the Iron Mountain highway, we stopped at the mouth of a tunnel and looked inside, seeing the heads of four presidents perfectly framed in the distance. They had already constructed the tunnels when Mount Rushmore was carved. Lo and behold, the two lined up perfectly, and all it took was some strategic tree cutting to create an unbroken sightline. I found that the sculpture accentuates the natural beauty of the Black Hills rather than interrupting it. Even the visitor center and viewing colonnade blends in nicely. When you consider the amount of labor it took to create these gargantuan structures, they become all the more impressive. What you might not realize is that Mount Rushmore was intended to include the full torsos of the presidents but was left unfinished. Thank goodness they decided to start from the top!

And just for kicks, see how hot I look in a coonskin cap.

For my Mount Rushmore photo album, click here.

Badlands

An hour east of Rapid City along Interstate 90 you come across one of the most puzzling landforms we encountered on the entire trip. Miles and miles of undulating but otherwise uninteresting prairie are suddenly disturbed by what appear to be mountains in the distance. As you approach, however, you see that we're not dealing with mountains, at least in the traditional sense. Once you enter Badlands National Park and pull off at the initial overlook, you see the ground suddenly drop away beneath you in favor of, well, hills of multi-colored stratified sand. The Badlands were once the floor of a large inland sea. Now that the ocean is gone and the ever-present forces of erosion have been doing their work, you can see the results.

Going on a hike across the park allowed us to explore these formations up close. You can grab a hunk of the Badlands in you hand -- it just tears straight off the rest of the mound. When you squeeze lightly, it crumbles. It most closely resembles caked mud, but yet, it has somehow managed to survive centuries of torrential rainfalls. The erosion patterns are downright mind-boggling in places. We hiked the Castle Trail, which cut across the western part of the park. There is virtually zero shade. Thankfully we started early in the morning and completed our 10.2 mile hike by the early afternoon, though the last hour or two was pretty brutal.

For my Badlands photo album, click here.

Needles in the Hills

Finally, after six hours of driving, we arrived somewhere that had actual elevation variations. Our first sight in the Black Hills of South Dakota was the Crazy Horse statue, which, when complete, will be the largest scuplture in the world. The problem is that while work commenced in 1948, only the head and a hole under the arm is complete. Like Mount Rushmore, it's carved into the side of a mountain, which makes it difficult for them to charge the admission fees they require for funding construction work, since you can see it from the highway. A quick drive-by and photo stop was sufficient to see what we needed to see.

We then traversed Custer State Park in the Black Hills on what is called Needles Highway, thanks to the bizarre granite rock spires that permeate the forest. Winding our way up to the summit of the road, we encountered tunnels drilled through solid rock and some amazing vistas. At the top of the highway is the Needle's Eye, which reaches 40 feet into the air with a three-foot-wide slit straight through it. The scale of these things is truly massive and their location, haphazardly scattered throughout these hills, is just strange.

For my Black Hills photo album, click here.

The Wonderful Wind Cave

Our first national park was Wind Cave, in southwestern South Dakota. It is often overlooked among its neighbors, but it is truly a wonder of nature. Wind Cave has 121.5 miles of explored passages with untold amounts yet to be discovered. All these passageways are confined to within one square mile of surface area. Wind Cave's sole connection to the outside world is a hole, eighteen inches in diameter. Because the interior of the cave attempts to regulate air pressure with the outdoor environment, air flows into or out of the cave. You can put your hand inside the hole and feel the wind, hence the name.

Wind Cave is known for its boxwork, which are mineral structures that resemble hollow cubes along cave surfaces, many of which can be incredibly roomy. Other cave structures are popcorn (self-explanatory) and frostwork (miniature tree-like structures that look like they are formed out of ice.

For my Wind Cave photo album, click here.

Nebraska

Why visit Nebraska? Because it is there. And that's pretty much it. I figured that if I wanted to visit all 50 states, then Nebraska would have to be on my list at some point. Therefore, we altered our route to drive across the Nebraska panhandle. I didn't exactly expect to see much, and I didn't. The topography is more interesting than eastern Colorado, but that's like saying the Devil Rays are a better baseball team than the Royals.

We stopped at two attractions. The first was Chimney Rock, which was only worth a stop thanks to the Oregon Trail video game we played in third grade before class started for the day. It looked pretty cool in the pixelated black and green DOS-based picture on our Apple IIe, and the representation turned out to be surprisingly accurate. However, it was worth only about ten minutes of our time.

The other attraction was Carhenge, which is exactly what it sounds like. I don't know who had the brilliant idea to replicate Stonehenge with cars in the middle of the Nebraska prairie, but it gets people to stop.

For my Nebraska photo album, click here.

Westward, Ho!

The big day has arrived. In a few hours, I hop on a bus down to New York City, where I meet my friend Gabe and catch a flight out to Denver where our tour of the great American West begins. We have an ambitious itinerary set up, though I have no doubt we'll be able to do everything we've planned. I've been extremely excited about this trip for weeks, and in an attempt to share how much I'm looking forward to it, I've decided to reprint our itinerary.

While I'm away, It's A Magical World will be on hiatus. Check back here on Thursday, August 24, for many stories and pictures.

Saturday, Aug 12 - Arrive in Denver. Should we book a hotel there? We are not arriving until midnight so we may not wish to hit the road immediately.

Sunday, Aug 13 - Drive from Denver to Rapid City. Road Atlas says that this takes about 6 hours. Despite getting in late, we may be able to leverage our East Coast clock to leave on the early side.

First stop: Wind Cave National Park, Fairgrounds Cave Tour. Wind Cave's most strenuous hike is half a mile long and suggested to take 90 minutes. Last tour is at 4:20pm, but hopefully we will arrive catch one earlier. (P.S. This tour is not the spelunking tour, just a hike through the cave.)

Next drive: Iron Mountain Road in the Black Hills National Forest - Tunnels in road that look out on Mt. Rushmore.

Last stop: Mt. Rushmore National Monument. See monument and easy hike on the grounds to see it from different views.

We end the day outside the eastern entrance to Badlands National Park.

Monday, Aug 14 - Badlands National Park. We should inquire as to the best trail to hike while there, but I believe it will be the 10 mile Castle Loop Trail. We will enter at the East entrance because that is what gives us the first overlook over the park. By hiking, we can hopefully get closer to these amazing structures and continue to be baffled.

If we end up staying close to Badlands this night, that is fine. If we end up making our way towards Rapid City and beyond, that is good too.

Tuesday, Aug 15 - Drive from Rapid City to Yellowstone. The road Atlas says that this drive takes 8 hours. We will take a 1.5 hour long detour to go hike around Devil's Tower (45 min driving, 45 min hike). There are several places to stay all along the route to Yellowstone, although I don't imagine that we will have trouble making it. We may have trouble with finding vacancies around Yellowstone... should we look at reservations? One good thing about the park itself is that it caters to people who bring their own tents etc. If we bring sleeping bags and are ok sleeping in the car, there will be showers/sinks/toilets for the next morning. That said, a climate controlled bed environment is definitely preferable.

Wednesday, Aug 16 - Yellowstone. There are TONS of hikes here and I can't begin to decide even though I have looked through them. Flip through them and see what looks interesting. We should also consult the park rangers when we get there.

Thursday, Aug 17 - Yellowstone. The park itself is HUGE and there is lots to do other than hike. Two days will be needed to drive around to see the animals and geysers. Between Tuesday afternoon and Thursday morning, we should make two full days, so we can depart Yellowstone at noon, driving south through Grand Teton NP and through Teton Pass (the steepest drive, by far, that Gabe took on his 2003 cross-country trip) en route to Craters of the Moon in Idaho. Ideally, we'll be able to stay nearby.

Friday, Aug 18 - Spend the morning hiking around Craters, then drive to Zion. This drive takes about eight hours. Overall, we will be resting our muscles from Yellowstone and resting up for tomorrow's hike. Hopefully, we can stay close to Zion.

Saturday, Aug 19 - Zion NP. Hike up Angel's Landing. Round trip expected to be 4 hours. Strenuous. We should do this one first, and preferably early. We will have time to do other hikes. After Zion, we should stay close to Bryce Canyon NP for our sunrise excursion. Take about 1.5 to 2 hours to drive from Zion to Bryce.

Sunday, Aug 20 - Bryce Canyon NP. Sunset Point for sunrise (it is much better than Sunrise point). Best hike for us is the Queen's Garden Trail, a 2.9 mile trail that offers the best views of the geology.

Given the size of the park (small) and the hour that we will arrive, we will probably be ok to leave early to mid afternoon. The drive to Moab, UT takes about 4 hours and most of that is across the largest national monument, called Grand Staircase Escalante in southern Utah. There are plenty of places to stay on I-70, or we can drive all the way to Moab.

Although we are coming from the West and taking Highway 191 from I-70 to Moab may be faster, Highway 128 (3 exits furter) is the best road that I drove outside of a national park and well worth the additional half hour.

Monday, Aug 21 - Arches and Canyonlands NP. Arches has one hike that is absolutely necessary (Delicate Arch) but is otherwise very small and manageable. Canyonlands - We need to see the Grand Overlook and a hike on Murphy's trail is probably in order.

Tuesday, Aug 22 Rocky Mountain National Park, - Moab to Denver. This drive should take about 6 hours. We can travel viawhich is one of the only places you can frequently see
Bighorn sheep. It has some amazing high altitude rocky mountain overlooks too, including one that spans the Continental Divide. I have a friend in Denver with whom we should be to stay on that Tuesday. I will call her to find out her availability.

Wednesday, Aug 22 - 11:05 flight out of Denver.

Top Five Foreign Natural Wonders

Recognizing that while America may be a beautiful country, there any many other similarly gorgeous places in the rest of the world, today's list is my top five natural wonders outside the United States. It may be somewhat limited by the fact that the majority of my travels are confined to cities, so I don't get into the wilderness all that much. Nevertheless, here we go.

1. Milford Sound, New Zealand
Hands down, this fjord on the west coast of New Zealand is the most awe-inspiring natural sight I have ever seen. It must be experienced by boat. You sail out from the port toward the Tasman Sea, proceeding along 1500-foot high cliffs rising straight out of the water. Milford Sound is one of the world's rainiest places, resulting in an ever-present primeval mist sitting on the surface of the water. The true highlight comes from the 300-plus waterfalls that spring into action when it rains. Milford Sound is nature's fury at its greatest.

2. Dead Sea, Israel
Something is strange when you're descending down into the Martian landscape that is the Israeli desert and you see a sign marked "sea level" when you have over a thousand feet left to drop. The desert is touched by rain but once a year. The Dead Sea itself is just plain bizarre. The high concentration of salt results in a liquid noticeably more viscous than water in which it is impossible to sink or even to float on your back.

3. Aegean Sea Islands, Greece
Haphazardly sprinkled all across the Aegean Sea are lush, green, hilly islands, breaking up the smooth surface of a crystal clear body of water. The vistas from atop many of these islands, particularly the island of Hydra (which does not permit motorized vehicles) is simply spectacular. The escape from the hectic metropolis of Athens provides what is truly a night-and-day contrast.

4. The Alps, Switzerland/Italy
Mankind has indeed managed to conquer the Alps, but it took some incredible works of engineering to do so. If you take a train or a car through the Alps, you'll experience an incredible array of trestles, tunnels and cliff paths as the road snakes its way around these craggy megaliths, covered year round in snow. And the mountains go on and on. It's not like one crossing one ridge gets you to the other side. The Alps are a veritable minefield of mountains that require a good two hours on a high-speed train to traverse. Imagine what it must be like on foot.

5. Bellagio Region, Italy
The smooth, clear lakes of Northern Italy sit nestled among the foothills of the Alps, their banks punctuated by pastel-colored villas positioned so perfectly, you swear you are looking at a painting. The places just breathes relaxation.

Land Management and Planning Statutes

This past semester, I took a class on Natural Resource Law, largely on a whim. I loved the class and ended up securing my best grade thusfar in law school. One of the major focuses was management of federal lands, particularly national parks and recreation facilities within national forests. I had some rather strong feelings regarding the planning-statute approach to federal land management, since I felt the statutes were heavily politicized but nonetheless largely devoid of substantive effect. The last question on our final exam enabled me to share my feelings with the professor. She obviously liked what I had to say, so to share it with all of you, I have reprinted my answer to that question. I wrote this passage under time pressure of about twenty minutes, so I have edited it slightly, but only for grammar and syntax.

Comment on the following: Planning statutes are inevitably weak management tools.

Excellent – now comes the part where I get to be exceedingly cynical. I would like to make the argument that all these planning statutes are a perfect opportunity for the fine men and women of Congress to try to be all things to all people without having to make any difficult decisions for which they can be held accountable. They tell the USFS that it must manage for recreation, range, timber, watershed, and wildlife – namely, anything you could possibly use a forest for. Gee, what don’t they have to manage for? There is no guidance provided as to what the priorities should be, so the USFS just gets to prioritize on their own. The only limitation on the agency prioritization is the arbitrary and capricious standard of judicial review. As long as the agency decision seems reasonable, it stands. There is a huge amount of discretion afforded to these agencies, which are accountable to the electorate only indirectly, at best.

Theoretically, if we the people are upset with decisions made by our senators or the president, we can vote them out of office. But what do we do when we disagree with the agencies? Perhaps we can petition our Congressmen to reduce the funding, perhaps we can petition the president to replace his appointees, but the average, ordinary person isn’t going to have much say in the process. On the other hand, special interests can feast on agencies. Those industries that carry much clout in the lobbying circles of Washington, D.C. can get their way with the industries, ensuring steady streams of below-market timber, fishing yields well above what science would dictate, and wilderness areas conveniently drawn around mining lodes. And why can they get away with all this? Because as long as the agency is not arbitrary or capricious, there is no recourse. Nothing in the relevant statute tells the USFS they must sell timber at a certain price, nothing in FLPMA tells the BLM they can only give out a fixed amount of grazing land, nothing in NEPA even tells the agencies that they must act upon the environmental impact statements they are forced to draw up. How can you go to the agency and accuse them of being in violation of their statute when their statute is so broad and watered-down that it doesn’t impose any defined obligations?

At the risk of vitriolic overstatement, planning statutes are the coward’s way out. By passing planning statutes, Congress does not have to make any difficult decisions and then turn around and face the voters. I realize and agree with the rationale that certain scientific decisions must be made by experts, rather than relatively uninformed legislators. But planning statutes let these experts make virtually any decision they want, whether it is truly in the best interests of science or it is in the best interests of the industry groups (or conservation groups, for that matter) sitting beside them and whispering in their ear. Many of these decisions are political decisions and they are being delegated to non-politicians. Furthermore, even the planning statutes that look like they impose strict, defined obligations (such as the ESA) include loopholes and out-clauses (such as the incidental take provision), allowing an agency, in its discretion, to declare that the rules have been otherwise satisfied.

In short, I believe that all these planning statutes afford the relevant agencies with too much discretion and too little accountability. The legislators, who are the people in our government most accountable to the people, have taken a pass on these difficult decisions so that they don’t have to face the consequences. By telling the agencies to make plans, but not how, it is difficult for the will of the people (which is what the political process is theoretically supposed to represent) to be properly carried out. Too many layers of political bureaucracy exist, and too much discretion has been afforded to these different layers with too little oversight, making these planning statutes into inevitably weak management tools.

Top Five Urban Panoramas

In honor of my upcoming trip out to the Western U.S. (more about it later this week), this week's blog entries are dedicated to the wonders of the natural world. While my trip will be devoted to hiking and exploring wilderness, it is important to note that you do need need to escape from civilization to see some gorgeous vistas. Today's list is my top five urban panoramas (listed by viewing spot). The stipulations are that there must be a nearly 360-degree view and there must be natural geographic features that are complemented by the city.

1. Corcovado, Rio de Janeiro
Without the city beneath, Rio would be gorgeous, with hills rising directly out of the ocean and rainforest running all the way down to the beach and inlets of water up and down the coast. The city only adds to the allure. It's as if someone poured civilization onto the coast and it ran downhill into the lowest altitudes, covering the beaches and the valleys with high-rise apartments while leaving the mountains in their unadulterated state.

2. Il Duomo, Florence
Looking down from the roof of the Duomo Cathedral, you can see the red roofs of Florence and its environs surrounding the cathedral and stretching out toward Pisa and the Tyrrhenian Sea in the west. But fencing in the north and east are the hills of Tuscany, dotted with villas and vineyards. The places just breathes relaxation. When I climbed up to look around, I lingered for several minutes, swearing I was going to remain in Italy and never return to the U.S. My self-control returned but my fantasy remains.

3. Lykavittos Hill, Athens
You don't realize how sprawling the city of Athens is until you climb (or take the tram) to the top of Lykavittos Hill. In all directions, a nearly-unbroken sea of white extends miles into the distance, stopping only at the port of Pireaus or at snow-capped mountains. The glaring interruption is the Acropolis, topped by the 2500-year-old Pantheon, and sitting right smack in the middle of modern capital city.

4. Empire State Building, New York
Perhaps the confluence of the Hudson River and Long Island Sound is not quite as impressive a geographic feature as other places in this list, but gazing out at New York City from atop the Empire State Building, you realize how amazing it is that one of the world's greatest cities grew up on a few small islands on the Atlantic coastline. What I always find curious about New York is just how hilly Upper Manhattan and the Bronx and the Palisades area of New Jersey are and Staten Island are, despite the fact that they sit right in the coastal plain.

5. Montjuic, Barcelona
Montjuic is impressive on its own for being an oasis where you can completely forget you're in a city of well over a million people, even though you're less than a mile removed from civilization. The vista from the castle atop Montjuic is amazing. Montjuic sits right on the Mediterranean Sea, and looking toward the water, you can see the port and the beaches below you. Looking north, the city of Barcelona spreads out, dotted by the Sagrada Familia and the Torre Agbar, blanketing the gentle climb from the ocean toward the mountains of Catalonia.

I ♥ IKEA

Swedish furniture retailer IKEA has become so successful because of two major accomplishments. First of all, they designed a clean and sleek yet inexpensive furniture style that has managed to transcend cultures the world over. Secondly, IKEA has refined the shopping experience to the point where the store itself is a major attraction to which people flock from the entire region.

I can't exactly tell you quite what the attraction is to IKEA. The store is arranged so that customers follow one long meandering path through a whole bunch of zones on the upper level (bedroom, kitchen, living room, office, children's, etc.) then head downstairs to the marketplace, where all the various accessories are kept. The store also has a cafeteria, a snack bar, a child care center, and a grocery shop. Looking at the different sample set-ups in the various zones is certainly interesting, but I don't know why it's infinitely more fascinating at IKEA than at any normal furniture store. Perhaps it's the straighforward style, or perhaps it's the price (signs are posted telling you that you could own all the furniture in this room for only X dollars), or perhaps it's the thrill of seeing Swedish efficiency at work, but IKEA might as well be some kind of museum where you can actually purchase the exhibits.

I went to IKEA today to pick up a new coffee table. While other items looked interesting, I was able to complete one circuit of the store without feeling the need to purchase anything. Then, as I was meandering through the store again, trying to find the self-service pick-up area, the hammer started to fall. Realizing that my roommate had taken her kettle with her and left me without one, I decided to pick up a nice no-frills aluminum kettle of my own. After that, I saw a six-bottle wine rack for three bucks that I could put to use in my kitchen. Then, I came across the compact dish pouch that will serve me well on my upcoming road trip. Fortunately my self-control eventually returned, since I was giving serious thought to buying a new wastebasket and bookshelf and shoe rack and set of hangers. Again, I can't tell you what it is about IKEA that suddenly makes you "need" things you would never think about otherwise.

The only downside about IKEA is that you feel like just another customer from the unwashed masses. Furniture stores like Jordan's or Cardi's are manned with a professional staff giving you personalized attention. They may be salespeople working on commission, but don't give off the lecherous vibe of sleazy car salesmen. You get a sense that your business really matters. You don't get that attitude at IKEA, and for good reason. Part of the reason why their prices are so low is the self-service aspect. Pick up the furniture yourself in their warehouse, take it home yourself, assemble it yourself. You get what you pay for, and frankly, since I have more time and muscle than money right now, I'll take it.

Top Five Least Clutch Quarterbacks

SI.com recently posted a photo gallery of the top ten most clutch quarterbacks of all time. Predictably, Joe Montana was number one, while my boy Tom Brady came in fourth. So, I've decided to turn the tables and throw down my top five least clutch quarterbacks -- perhaps not of all time, but at least since I've been watching football.

1. Peyton Manning
He was a number-one draft pick hailed as the second coming of Johnny Unitas, but so far, Manning has failed to produce the NFL championships that Unitas was able to bring to Baltimore. While Manning is considered to be in the prime of his career right now, let us recount Manning's disappointments over the past three years.

2003: Manning led his team to an impressive 12-4 record, winning the AFC South. But against the Patriots in the playoffs, Manning threw four interceptions. The Colts' leading receiver that day was Patriots cornerback Ty Law.

2004: Another season, another 12-4 record, another playoff loss to the Patriots. This time around, Manning, who had broken Dan Marino's single-season touchdown pass record, and the Colts' offensive juggernaut managed to put up a measely three points in a 20-3 defeat.

2005: Two games away from the NFL's first-ever undefeated 16-game season, the Colts laid an egg against the San Diego Chargers, a team that didn't even end up making the playoffs. Then, as the #1 seed, the Colts hosted the #6 Pittsburgh Steelers. It took a dubious instant replay call to even keep the Colts in the game during the fourth quarter. Then, when Manning had the opportunity to drive less than fifty yards to put the Colts in field goal position, he ended up getting sacked on his own two-yard line on 4th and 16 with 1:20 to play.

2. Ryan Leaf
About the only thing clutch about Ryan Leaf was his groin when he was giving obscene gestures to the fans who were relentlessly booing him. Leaf was the number-two draft pick in 1998, behind Manning, but was a complete flop in the NFL. His recalcitrance and malfeasance when it came to dealing with teammates and authority figures led him to retire before the 2002 season with a 48.1 career completion percentage, a 14-36 completion percentage, and a quarterback rating of 50.0.

3. Rob Johnson
The ultimate deer in the headlights while in the pocket, Johnson holds the NFL career record for most sacks per passing attempt. And I love the dazed, "aw, shucks, did I just do that?" look on his face whenever he peels himself up from the turf. Somebody with the Buffalo Bills actually had the not-so-bright idea that Johnson was a good quarterback and the future of their organization. Um, not so much. And yet, somehow, he's entering his 12th year in the NFL. Keep in mind that Johnson has only played more than eight games in a season once. Johnson has won a grand total of zero playoff games in his career. Whether it's injuries or ineffectiveness that keep him on the bench, Johnson has cultivated a relationship for not performing under pressure, or even much at all.

4. Peyton Manning
Four interceptions in one year's playoff game, three points scored in next year's playoff game. I'm giddy just thinking about it. And picturing Manning's sulky frown face while he figures out who he can blame after he just blew the game sends me over the edge.

5. Peyton Manning
Okay, now I'm just rubbing salt in the wounds. But everybody worships Manning as the best quarterback of our generation and he doesn't have a Super Bowl ring to show for it. I'll take Tom Brady any day of the week, who not only has ice running through his veins but is the least arrogant, most down-to-earth pro athlete you may ever meet (with the possible exception of Tedy Bruschi). Peyton Manning sucks.

Top 50 Things I Want To See Or Do In America

We're playing by Senate rules, which means one entry per state, regardless of size. The other stipulation is that the activity or experience must have been something I've never done before. So, staying awake for 24 straight hours in Vegas or strolling down the Cliff Walk in Newport or just about anything in New York City are off the list. Several activities on this list I will actually complete by the end of the month are marked with an asterisk.

Maine - Hike Mt. Katahdin
New Hampshire - Hike Mt. Washington
Vermont - Go boating on Lake Champlain
Massachusetts - Hike Mt. Greylock
Rhode Island - Visit Block Island
Connecticut- Visit Mystic
New York - Take a winery tour through upstate New York
New Jersey - Attend a Bon Jovi concert in their home state
Pennsylvania - See Amish Country in Lancaster County
Delaware - Spend a weekend at a beach house in Bethany Beach
Maryland- Visit Annapolis
Virginia - Visit Colonial Williamsburg
West Virginia - Take a tour of coal country
North Carolina - Attend a basketball game at Duke's Cameron Indoor Stadium
South Carolina- Eat at the original Hooters in Myrtle Beach
Georgia - I'd say golf at Augusta National, but since I don't golf, I'd have to tag along with someone and be their caddy
Florida - Take a pontoon boat through the Everglades
Alabama - Attend a NASCAR race at Talladega
Mississippi - Gamble in Biloxi
Louisiana - Party in New Orleans during Mardi Gras
Tennessee - Go to a premier jazz club in Memphis
Kentucky - Tour Mammoth Cave
Ohio - Visit the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton
Indiana - Attend the Indianapolis 500
Michigan - See the wildlife in Isle Royale National Park
Wisconsin - Attend a Packers game at Lambeau Field
Illinois - Climb to the top of the Sears Tower
Minnesota - Visit the Mall of America
Iowa - Go to the Iowa State Fair
Missouri - Climb to the top of the Gateway Arch
Arkansas - Bathe in the hot springs at Hot Springs
Texas - Hang out on the San Antonio Riverwalk
Oklahoma - Attend the Oklahoma-Oklahoma State football game
Kansas - Eat authentic Kansas City barbeque, which, while technically from Kansas City, MO, I'm sure has effectively migrated across the state line into Kansas without diminishing in quality
Nebraska - See Chimney Rock*
North Dakota - Attend a hockey game at the University of North Dakota
South Dakota - Hike in the Badlands*
Montana - See the Berkeley Pit (nation's largest Superfund site)
Wyoming - Tour Yellowstone. I mean, come on. Is there any question what to choose for this state?*
Idaho - Go whitewater rafting through Hells Canyon (technically on the border with Oregon, but I'll stay on the east side of the river)
Colorado - Ski Vail
Utah - Hike Angel's Landing in Zion National Park*
New Mexico - Take the tram up to Sandia Peak in Albuquerque
Arizona - Visit the North Rim of the Grand Canyon
Nevada - Attempt to channel my inner hippie at Burning Man
Washington - Hike Mt. Rainier
Oregon - Hike the Rim Trail at Crater Lake
California - Drive the length of the Pacific Coast Highway
Alaska - Take a cruise up the coast of the Alaska panhandle
Hawaii - Watch sunrise from atop Mauna Kea

Oh, Brother!

I am loving Big Brother All-Stars. While most previous seasons of Big Brother quickly devolved into a highly repetitive two-alliance showdown, this time around, there are three separate factions, each with their own dynamic. First, you have the Season Six alliance, with Janelle, James, Howie, and Kaysar. Then, there's the resurrection of the Season Two Chilltown alliance, captained by All-World Reality Team MVP Dr. Will Kirby and his butt-boy Mike "Boogie" Malin, the best sidekick this side of Barney Fife. Finally, you have the Floaters -- a hodgepodge of contestants from seasons three, four, and five, joined by Chicken George.

But first, it appears that the Season Six alliance is on the precipice of collapse after Dr. Will manipulated current Head of Household Janelle into nominating Floater Diane for eviction, rather than himself. James and the other Sixers are pissed, because their chances for survival would increase if the evil doctor were to disappear. Dr. Will has already won a staredown with the chopping block. Now, he has singlehandedly caused the Season Six alliance, which has captured every single HOH competition thus far, to collapse in on itself. (Is there any doubt left in anybody's mind that Dr. Will is the all-time reality show champion? He is so damn cocky, and rightfully so. It's awesome.)

But first, while Will might be the best strategist in the Big Brother House, Danielle is the most fun to watch. After escaping eviction the first week, Danielle has reverted back to her Season Three form, coasting under the radar and not ruffling any feathers while inside the house, but unleashing biting snark after snark in the diary room, no holds barred. Danielle has figured out every single player in the house. None of them know it, but the rest of America does. It's worth watching just to see what Danielle will say next.

But first, we'll see what happens tonight. I don't particularly care whether Erika or Diane gets the boot tonight. Both are dead weight. However, I hope the Season Six stranglehold on HOH gets broken. I'd love to see Chicken George win it. The man is on a 60-day slop diet and is trying so hard. He deserves a break.

Mel Gibson ist ein Judehaßer

VB of the Fox 25 Morning News couldn't have said it any better, so I'll paraphrase him: When you've imbibed significant quantities of alcohol, your true self comes out. I'm a friendly drunk, which I think shows the kind, gregarious heart I have that is oftentimes obscured by shyness and tunnel vision while I'm sober. Mel Gibson is an anti-Semitic drunk, which I think shows the cruel, Jew-hating heart that he must bury inside himself and suppress while sober as a member of an industry controlled by the sons of Abraham.

After The Passion of the Christ, I declared that I would commence a lifelong boycott of Mel Gibson. Gibson's latest anti-Semitic rant after being pulled over for OUI only steels my resolve to avoid Gibson forever, despite the fact that it means I'll never get to appreciate Braveheart. (Then again, I'll never get to appreciate What Women Want either, which might not be a bad thing.) As an aside, I think it's totally bogus that all these celebrities think they can absolve themselves of all fault by admitting to a fake medical condition and entering rehab. (Hello, Patrick Kennedy!)

As another aside, I find it quite interesting that when you put something like the title of this posting in German, it instantly acquires an anti-Semitic connotation. Thanks to Adolf Hitler and his Nazi cronies, Germany and the German language will indefinitely be associated with Jew-hating, even though there is nothing inherently anti-Semitic about the country. Perhaps the generalization is fair, perhaps it isn't.

Top Five Reality Show Contestants

1. Dr. Will Kirby (Big Brother 2 & All-Stars)
The evil doctor is the all-time champion of reality show contestants. He won the first season of Big Brother to be played under the Head of Household rules by repeatedly blatently lying to everyone and telling them up front that he was doing so. He was nominated four times, surviving every such trip to the chopping block, largely because people hated him so much and wanted to take him to the finals. He gave an arrogant speech in the finals about how people needed to consider whether they were happy with themselves, and yet, people voted for him to win anyway. On All-Stars, he told the houseguests how much he hated each and every one of them and that he wanted to be kicked out of the house and would throw competitions until he was evicted. To paraphrase his words, he made the target on his back so big that it disappeared.

2. Richard Hatch (Survivor Borneo & All-Stars)
The fat naked gay guy was a reality show pioneer, developing a strategy that his successors across the world of reality television would follow. Richard sought out a close alliance with Rudy that survived through the final tribal council. He took on the role of provider by catching all the fish, making himself indispensible. At the same time, he made people think he was an arrogant jerk by sitting in a tree during tribe meetings and cavalierly walking around naked. Everyone wanted to go up against Richard in the finals and he knew it, to the point where he pulled out of the final immunity challenge. Thanks to Susan's memorable snake-and-rat speech, Richard became the first-ever sole survivor. In All-Stars, Richard's naked body got Susan to quit the game, but Richard himself was bamboozled a week later. (Too bad figuring out how to pay your taxes wasn't one of the challenges on Survivor. Richard could have avoided a lot of trouble.)

3. Kendra Todd (The Apprentice 3)
While original Apprentice Bill Rancic won the job through relentless hard work and smart decisions, Kendra brought an element of strategy to the game. During the early weeks, she laid low and let the larger-than-life personalities that NBC loved to cast fight things out among themselves. She steered clear of the personality conflicts and coasted through under the radar. Once the field thinned, Kendra turned her game on, displaying an incredible work-ethic (including pulling an all-nighter to finish her team's automobile brochure) and devising an ingenious, fool-proof technique -- convening informal focus groups of target consumers to determine what the marketplace (and the judges) were looking for.

4. Rob Mariano (Survivor Marquesas & All-Stars, The Amazing Race 6)
Boston Rob played the part of puppet master early in his first Survivor foray, but once the teams were mixed up, he lost his edge. However, Rob was just getting started. He owned the season of Survivor: All-Stars, scaring Lex out of voting off his new romantic interest and alliance-mate, then welching on his deal with Lex the very next week. Rupert and Jenna were similarly afraid of voting off Rob when they had the chance. In perhaps the biggest coup in reality show history, Rob assured himself of a million dollars before the final tribal council votes were read by proposing to co-finalist and eventual champion Amber. Then, when the two were selected to run The Amazing Race, Rob injected the game with a theretofore unknown element of malice, bribing a bus driver not to open a back door and convincing other teams to sit out a roadblock so that Rob wouldn't have to chow down six pounds of organ meats.

5. Matthew Kennedy Gould (The Joe Schmo Show)
While not on this list for brilliant strategic play (after all, his show was a hoax), Gould was both the perfect rube and an incredibly endearing protagontist. Blissfully naive, Gould bought the hoax hook, line, and sinker, never once questioning the often ridiculous and inconsistent set-ups during the course of the show. His breakdown at the end of the show, punctuated by his trademark line, "What is going on here!" is a reality show classic. However, the unpredictable element that Gould brought to the show was his incredibly sweet personality. The relationships he developed with the fake characters became so strong that "eliminations" became an emotionally draining experience. He was also so visibly uncomfortable when he was forced to be handcuffed to Molly, the virgin and her "boyfriend" showed up. You almost felt sorry for the guy when the secret was revealed. Gould was the star of the show anyway, but he was truly America's favorite.