Playing The Spread 2K7, Week 7

With the billions of dollars being thrown around for NFL television contracts, the networks each seek to create the best possible experience for their viewers. One of the ways in which they seek to effectuate this goal is through the use of on-screen graphics.

In some instances, the bells and whistles they throw on the screen are hugely helpful. I don't know what I'd do without the yellow first-down line. (On rare occasions when I attend a game in person, I've caught myself briefly wondering where the line is at the actual stadium.) The blue scrimmage line that CBS uses, while less necessary, nonetheless comes in handy on a play for negative yardage or a quarterback scramble. Even the red field goal line that CBS employs in two-minute situations is useful, though I'd wish they'd tell us whether that line represents the kicker's season best or career best.

And the list of useful graphics pretty much ends there. Every other graphic that the networks employ is gratuitous. Just because you have the technology to do something doesn't mean you should. A prime example is the video screen that Fox superimposes on the establishing shots of stadiums, making it look like it blends in somewhere. Having a video screen suddenly appear in the rafters of the Metrodome just doesn't impress me, nor does it even seem to have a point. Another pet peeve is the superimposition of down and distance on the field when the networks can just put it in the score and time box in the corner of the screen. I also can't stand when ESPN whips through a virtual representation of the scrimmage formation to show you the starting line. And don't get me started on displays employing animation and sound effects to present statistics when a simple chart will do.

I love watching football, but broadcasts should be about the game. If I wanted to watch a program showing off flashy graphics and technical wizardry that add nothing to the substance of the show, I'll just turn to Channel 7's local news.

The following picks are for entertainment purposes only and should not be used as the basis for any actual cash wagers.

Last Week: 7-4-2
Season To Date: 40-41-8
Best Bets: 3-3
Eliminator: 5-1 (Streak: W 2)
The Monkey: 3-2-1

Dolphins (+16.5) over Patriots
If God gives you lemons, you make lemonade. If God gives you Cleo Lemon, you pray for mercy and wonder what you did to deserve such a fate. LOSS

Titans (-1.5) over Texans
Okay, so both of these teams have cooled off since the start of the season and are not shaping up to be the sleepers I thought they might be. At least Tennessee has the talent to hang with any team in the league, even if they don't always win. WIN

Bucs (+2) over Lions
Jeff Garcia made five starts for the Lions in 2005, losing four of those games. Now he's playing for the 4-2 NFC South-leading Bucs. It's amazing how someone's career can turn around just by leaving Detroit. LOSS

Saints (-9) over Falcons
Byron Leftwich is the new QB for the Falcons. While he has received criticism in the past, it's probably best not to have a killer instinct when you're replacing Michael Vick. LOSS

Giants (-9) over 49ers
Not many teams can say their backup quarterback is a Super Bowl winner. Of course, Trent Dilfer is probably the only QB in the league whose Super Bowl win can best be described as a technicality. WIN

Ravens (-3) over Bills
Buffalo announced its desire to play an annual home game in Canada. Apparently, heading north of the border is their solution to keep their season from going south. LOSS

Redskins (-8.5) over Cardinals
To address their injury problems at QB, Arizona just signed Tim Hasselbeck. In a related story, the Redskins have added Rosie O'Donnell's partner to their linebacking corps. LOSS

Chiefs (+2.5) over Raiders
The Oakland Raiders have lost to the Kansas City Chiefs each of the last nine times they've played. During that span, they have been coached by Bill Callahan, Norv Turner, and Art Shell. If Lane Kiffen wants to last longer than any of those guys, shaking this particular monkey off his team's backs will be a requirement. WIN

Bengals (-6.5) over Jets
Now that Joe Torre is no longer a Yankee, he nevertheless might be able to remain in his home city of New York and take the Jets' head coaching job, now that the Man Genius has been exposed as a Boy Dunce. WIN

Bears (+5.5) over Eagles
If you allow a rookie to run for 224 yards, you don't deserve to be in the NFL. However, according to a league mandate, there must be 32 teams, so we have no choice but to allow the Bears to stick around for now. And the Eagles, for that matter. WIN

Seahawks (-8.5) over Rams
Football fans wonder whether the Rams will win a game before the Patriots lose a game. St. Louis is so bad that they don't even need Mike Martz coaching to stink up the joint this year. WIN

Cowboys (-9.5) over Vikings
After his team lost to them last week, Terrell Owens said the Patriots aren't the best team in the league. While he might or might be right (Who are we kidding? Or course he's wrong), his Cowboys sure as hell aren't the best team in the league either. WIN

Steelers (-3.5) over Broncos
At least the folks in Denver still have the Rockies. What they'll do after November 1st is anyone's guess. LOSS

Colts (-3) over Jaguars
Tom Brady is on pace to shatter Peyton Manning's record for touchdown passes in a season. I hope that CBS puts a camera on Manning while he's watching that game, since it seems like that's the only chance of seeing the sulky face this year. (Oh, except for when the Pats will wipe the field with the Colts in two weeks, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.) WIN

BEST BET: Ravens (-3) over Bills LOSS
ELIMINATOR: Washington Redskins WIN

THE MONKEY: Dolphins (+16.5) over Patriots LOSS