Armed & Fabulous

My new favorite trash reality television show is Armed and Famous, which airs on CBS. It involves five C-list celebrities who complete the actual police academy and are sworn in as reserve police officers in Muncie, Indiana. Unlike something like The Simple Life, the celebrities actually take the job seriously -- well, four out of the five. The fifth is the human train wreck that goes by the name of LaToya Jackson, who I still believe is Michael in drag. It's hard to conduct a drug raid when you panic at the mere sight of a domesticated housecat.

Poetic justice insists that one of the celebrities must be Erik Estrada (a/k/a Ponch) from CHiPs. Thirty years later, he still looks great in uniform. It's too bad that the series was taped in December, because if the weather were warmer, they could stick him on a motorcycle, just like old times. (Cue the theme song.) Then, they also have the stunning Trish Stratus, formerly of the WWE. While she was gorgeous as a wrestler, she is even more spectacular (and yet highly competent) as a cop. If she pulled me over, I'd tell her that I had drugs stashed in an inappropriate place, just so she'd be forced to pat me down. (Is that a crack pipe in your pants or are you just happy to see me?)

Jack Osbourne, it turns out, is quite the sharpshooter, though after all the episodes of The Osbournes in which he was seen wandering through the backyard carrying a rifle and wearing camo gear, it shouldn't be much of a surprise. Finally, rounding out the cadets is Jason "Wee-Man" Acuna, from Jackass. Anyone who's seen that show knows that the dwarf is as tough as nails and doesn't take any crap from anyone, even when perps tell him to go away or they'll call the "real cops."

Yeah, it's mindless crap, but as far as celebreality shows go, it's pretty tolerable. Just think of it as watching an episode of Cops with officers who are a bit more colorful than usual. These celebs are actually doing a rather good job upholding the law and protecting the good people of Muncie. With the possible exception of LaToya, I do actually feel safer with them patrolling the streets. The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle of Reality Television (the presence of a camera causes people to act differently than they would otherwise, so you can never film true reality) still applies, but I do get the sense that this show may be a bit more legit than most of the other nonsensical fodder that passes for reality TV these days.