After the #1 team in the country lost to Arkansas last week, some brilliant (and by brilliant, I mean not brilliant) sportswriter opined that LSU is not worthy of a spot in the BCS title game after giving up 50 points to an unranked team. What the myopic scribe failed to mention in that lede was that 22 of the 50 points were given up in a three-round overtime procedure where even the most mediocre of teams can't help but score.
After sixty minutes of playing football on a hundred-yard field, the field suddenly shrinks to 25 yards for overtime. The winner of the game is determined not by which team is better but my which team's red zone offense is better. Punters can take the rest of the night off, kickers rarely have to try field goals more than forty yards in length, any sort of field position strategy is nullified, and teams no longer need to decide whether they want to concede a short play to cover deep in case of a long bomb. An interesting consequence is that players can use any illegal means necessary to stop the defense from returning an interception for a touchdown since the other team will start anew at the 25-yard-line anyway.
So, by distilling games down to just this one element, we end up with distorted scores and statistics (yep, they all count the same as in regulation) and less consequence that the best team won. I guess the equivalent would be starting extra innings in baseball with three men on, or deciding hockey games by one-on-one penalty shootouts (oh, wait....). Unlike overtime in the NFL, each team is indeed guaranteed a possession, but only at the expense of three-quarters of the field.
And yet, I love it. The fan in me, the one who craves excitement and suspense and the knowledge that any one play can decide a game, relishes the thought of overtime and prays that a kicker will miss his last-second 29-yard chip shot with a tie score so that I can see this wonderful, well, gimmick. He strangles the purist in me who tries to convince him that this gimmick is a perversion of the game and an unfair (at least incomplete) method to determine a winner. Maybe guaranteed excitement and non-stop offense is reason enough to justify college football overtime.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Playing The Spread 2K7, Week 13
The NFL community was shocked on Monday when news broke that Washington Redskins safety Sean Taylor was shot in the leg by an intruder while relaxing in his Miami-area home. Early signs suggested that Taylor was aware of his surroundings and on the path to recovery, but in the end, the excessive blood loss proved too much for Taylor to handle and he passed away at the age of 24.It seems like just yesterday (in fact, it was less than a year ago) that we mourned the tragic death of Darrent Williams, the second-year cornerback for the Denver Broncos who was slain in a drive-by shooting during the wee hours of New Year's Day. Then, in May, Patriots defensive end Marquise Hill drowned while jet skiing in his home state of Louisiana.
The NFL has experienced much grief over the past year. One would hope the fact that three promising young players died in the span of eleven months is merely a coincidence. After all, police still don't have a motive in the Williams slaying and don't believe that Williams was even the intended target of the shots. And when it comes to Taylor, police currently believe that the attack was a robbery gone bad, not a calculated act of gang-land blood vengeance. Taylor just happened to be the wrong person who was in his fancy house when it was invaded at the wrong time.
Football fans hope that their favorite players realize how lucky they are to be paid millions of dollars for playing a schoolyard game. Fans hope that players take care of themselves and not subject themselves to unnecessary risks and not associate with the wrong characters. Yeah, maybe Hill made a fatal mistake by not opting to wear a life jacket, but what did Williams do wrong? Party with a bunch of friends? Hire a limo so he wouldn't have to drive after drinking that night? Maybe Taylor's assumedly luxurious home was a target to robbers, but can you really fault a multi-millionaire for wanting to live somewhere nice?We all wish we had more answers and I wish I could give them to you.
The following picks are for entertainment purposes only and should not be the basis for any actual cash wagers.
Last Week: 6-10
Season To Date: 81-84-11
Best Bets: 7-5
Eliminator: 9-3 (Streak: L 1)
The Monkey: 5-5-2
Cowboys (-7) over Packers
The Thursday night matchup features the third Game of the Century played this season. Too bad fans (at least those who can even get the game) will have to listen to the insufferable Bryant Gumbel provide such gems as, "it would behoove the Falcons to get a first down here." WIN
Jets (+1) over Dolphins
Ricky Williams' season is over thanks to a tear of his chest muscle. He wanted to keep on playing but the NFL denied his request for permission to use medical marijuana. WIN
Vikings (-3.5) over Lions
I could make relentless fun of Jon Kitna for predictably choking just when his team looked like they were for real, but that wouldn't be the Christian thing to do. Thank goodness I'm a Jew. WIN
Seahawks (+3) over Eagles
The Eagles are rewarding A.J. Feeley for nearly pulling off the biggest upset of the season by letting Donovan McNabb have his job back if he's healthy. Sucks to be a white quarterback, huh? WIN
Titans (-4) over Texans
My early-season "sexy pick" to make the playoffs has faltered. Fortunately, they managed to get their hands on the footage shot last week by Chad Johnson hoping that it will give them the edge they need to prevail over the Titans. WIN
Colts (-7) over Jaguars
How good can a wide receiver really be if the first four letters of his name are "crap"? LOSS
Redskins (-5.5) over Bills
My intended joke about the Bills hiring Jeff Giloolly to ensure a win over the Skins this week quickly took a turn into bad taste with the news that broke early Tuesday morning. Instead, I see Sean Taylor's tragic death as an event that will galvanize the Redskins and get them to play strong, united football for all 60 minutes (not just 58) of each game down the stretch en route to a possible playoff spot. LOSS
Chargers (-5.5) over Chiefs
Philip Rivers yelled at Chargers fans to shut up after he was booed off the field on Sunday. I could never see Tom Brady in such a situation, primarily because he never does anything that warrants booing. WIN
49ers (+3) over Panthers
Every 49ers victory takes the Patriots one step away from an early first round draft pick that they totally don't need but would be awesome to get, if only to shove a middle finger in the face of every other team in the NFL. (It would be even more awesome if the Pats had a better draft pick than the Jets.) LOSS
Falcons (E) over Rams
(Broadway Joe finished his career with the Rams, which is how I justify using this joke for this game.) Sources have revealed that Jake Gyllenhaal will play Joe Namath in a film depicting the Hall of Fame quarterback's life. No word on whether Heath Ledger has been cast as Suzy Kolber in the "I want to kiss you!" scene. LOSS
Browns (E) over Cardinals
In one of the less brilliant decisions of the season, Arizona elected to field a punt at its own two-yard line in overtime rather than letting the ball potentially bounce into the end zone for a touchback. Kurt Warner fumbled a snap in the end zone and the 49ers covered it for the touchdown and the win. People wonder why the Cardinals are mediocre year after year. The desert heat is obviously doing something to their cognitive functions. LOSS
Broncos (-3.5) over Raiders
Every single instinct I've had about the Broncos this year has been dead wrong. Therefore, I'm basing my selection for this game on my instinct that the Raiders consistently suck. LOSS
Saints (-3) over Bucs
Jeff Garcia is fighting a back injury and might not play this weekend. Bucs fans and Garcia's Playboy Playmate wife both want him to make a quick recovery, but for vastly different reasons. LOSS
Giants (-1.5) over Bears
Eli Manning's uncontrollable inferiority complex led him to seek to emulate big brother Peyton once again last week. Once again though, Eli proved inferior, throwing only four interceptions to Peyton's six. WIN
Bengals (+7) over Steelers
After Heinz Field became the biggest quagmire this side of Iraq last Monday night, the Steelers have decided to play the rest of their home games according to Canadian rules, hoping that awarding a single-point rouge for touchback punts and missed field goals actually allows teams to score during the first 59 minutes and 40 seconds of the game. LOSS
Patriots (-20.5) over Ravens
Having experienced my team barely eke out a win against the Eagles, I can now definitively say that blowing teams out of the water is much more fun. LOSS
BEST BET: Giants (-1.5) over Bears WIN
ELIMINATOR: New England Patriots WIN
THE MONKEY: Jets (+1) over Dolphins WIN
Monday, November 26, 2007
Big Ten Scheduling
I'm not the world's biggest college football fan, but as the season draws to a close, I have been paying attention to the goings-on in the NCAA FBS. It's pretty exciting. Naturally, I can't help but develop opinions about what I see unfolding before me. For the purposes of this series I'll call College Football Thoughts, we will assume that the BCS system actually has merit and will be here to stay indefinitely.
The Big Ten does its members a major disservice by ending its season the weekend before Thanksgiving. All of the other conferences remain in action the next weekend with various rivalry games and other league contests. The weekend afterward, the Big XII, ACC, and SEC have conference championships while the Pac-10 features the USC-UCLA game and the Big East showcases the Backyard Brawl between West Virginia and Pitt.
Last year, Ohio State looked thoroughly outmatched in the BCS championship game. After all, they hadn't played competitive football for the seven weeks prior to that game. Meanwhile, Michigan, which was idle for the final two weeks in the season could do nothing to make their case to the poll voters while Florida made its run to the SEC championship.
I'm sure that the Big Ten has valid reasons for ending its season so early (e.g. letting the student-athletes actually concentrate on school), but in this era of big money college sports, they need to rework their scheduling so that they don't drop out of the public consciousness. I understand that the Big Ten doesn't want to expand to include a twelfth team in order to gain the right to contest a lucrative conference championship game, which is fine, but they need to do something else to remain viable. Therefore, the conference needs to break with tradition, either by postponing the Michigan-Ohio State game by a week or two, or by scheduling games for another week or two after The Rivalry. With the advent of the twelve-game season, Big Ten teams now must play twelve games in a row without a break, then sit idle and lose their momentum while awaiting bowl season. There are more than twelve weeks in the season, so it would behoove the Big Ten to use all of them.
The Big Ten does its members a major disservice by ending its season the weekend before Thanksgiving. All of the other conferences remain in action the next weekend with various rivalry games and other league contests. The weekend afterward, the Big XII, ACC, and SEC have conference championships while the Pac-10 features the USC-UCLA game and the Big East showcases the Backyard Brawl between West Virginia and Pitt.Last year, Ohio State looked thoroughly outmatched in the BCS championship game. After all, they hadn't played competitive football for the seven weeks prior to that game. Meanwhile, Michigan, which was idle for the final two weeks in the season could do nothing to make their case to the poll voters while Florida made its run to the SEC championship.
I'm sure that the Big Ten has valid reasons for ending its season so early (e.g. letting the student-athletes actually concentrate on school), but in this era of big money college sports, they need to rework their scheduling so that they don't drop out of the public consciousness. I understand that the Big Ten doesn't want to expand to include a twelfth team in order to gain the right to contest a lucrative conference championship game, which is fine, but they need to do something else to remain viable. Therefore, the conference needs to break with tradition, either by postponing the Michigan-Ohio State game by a week or two, or by scheduling games for another week or two after The Rivalry. With the advent of the twelve-game season, Big Ten teams now must play twelve games in a row without a break, then sit idle and lose their momentum while awaiting bowl season. There are more than twelve weeks in the season, so it would behoove the Big Ten to use all of them.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Top Five Worst Origin/Destination Airports (Domestic Edition)
1. Atlanta-Hartsfield
The MARTA offers a one-seat ride from downtown to the airport. The benefits of departing ATL end there. Once at the airport, you need to negotiate the horribly congested central security checkpoints, take the underground train to one of six parallel linear concourses, make your way above ground, and walk to your gate, which can be quite some distance if it's on either end of the concourse. There are no moving sidewalks within the concourses. But what puts ATL atop this list is the asinine procedure for international arrivals: After waiting for your bag and clearing customs, you must recheck your bag and clear security (including full shoe removal and liquid confiscation), even if you're not connecting to another flight. Then, you take the train to the main terminal and wait at the baggage claim for your luggage a second time.
2. New York-LaGuardia
The cramped plot of land that LaGuardia occupies makes you wonder how a major airport even functions in such a small area. Indeed, it barely functions, with takeoff queues a good 20 or 30 aircraft deep at peak times for one of two runways. On your way to the airport, you must figure out which cramped, undersized terminal houses your airline, which is a task made more complicated by the fact that certain airlines (i.e. Delta) depart from different locations depending on your destination. LaGuardia is relatively close to Manhattan, but there is no good public transit connection to the airport. You are left either taking a bus (and good luck finding guidance regarding which bus to take) or a lengthy taxi ride. As anyone who has been to New York knows, a short distance does not ensure a quick ride.
3. Las Vegas-McCarran
Ninety percent of the time, McCarran is satisfactorily efficient. But when it comes to peak travel periods (Friday evening arrivals, Sunday afternoon departures, and anytime immediately before or after a major convention), all hell breaks lose. The ticket counter area is too small to handle peak crowds, so lines routinely stretch out onto the sidewalk. The security checkpoints for the C and D gates are on a balcony cantilevered over the baggage claim. While airport authority has upgraded the area, it remains too small for peak crowds. Departing out of the D Gates (basically any domestic airline besides US Airways and Southwest) requires a train ride to a remote terminal. While waiting for your flight, you can make use of slot machines that have the worst odds in Vegas or purchase the most overpriced food at any airport in the country. Arriving at McCarran, assuming you survive the potentially intolerable wait for your bags, you are faced with what can be an hour-long wait in the taxi queue at peak times.
4. Washington-Dulles
Dulles is horrible for origin/destination traffic for all the same reasons that it sucks as a connecting airport, plus the fact that it has no connection to DC's otherwise comprehensive Metro rail system. Consolidated, central security checkpoints make for long waits in the mornings and late afternoons. Up until recently, they didn't even have special lanes for frequent fliers and first class passengers. Getting from the security area to your gate requires waiting for a mobile lounge, which is a glorious bus, to depart according to a fixed schedule (i.e. not yours). The food and entertainment offerings in the gate area are also lacking for an airport this size. If you're arriving from Latin America, you better hope your plane doesn't arrive early, since the customs officers are scheduled to show up at 7:00 a.m. and not a moment before.
5. Miami
Miami is the only airport I've visited in the 50 states where public address announcements are made first in Spanish, and only then (if at all) in English. You feel like a foreigner in your own country. Latin American flights arrive in the early morning hours, overwhelming the customs processing areas. Since most of the non-American passengers require visas, the process is predictably slower than at airport handling mainly trans-Atlantic international traffic. Security checkpoints are in cramped quarters atop escalators, requiring passengers to wait in line before being allowed to go upstairs and wait in line. (To its credit, I have reason to believe that since my last visit to MIA, the airport has engaged in renovations that will alleviate these bottlenecks.) If you're driving to the airport (and there's really no other effective way to get there), you're stuck on one of two oft-crowded expressways.
The MARTA offers a one-seat ride from downtown to the airport. The benefits of departing ATL end there. Once at the airport, you need to negotiate the horribly congested central security checkpoints, take the underground train to one of six parallel linear concourses, make your way above ground, and walk to your gate, which can be quite some distance if it's on either end of the concourse. There are no moving sidewalks within the concourses. But what puts ATL atop this list is the asinine procedure for international arrivals: After waiting for your bag and clearing customs, you must recheck your bag and clear security (including full shoe removal and liquid confiscation), even if you're not connecting to another flight. Then, you take the train to the main terminal and wait at the baggage claim for your luggage a second time.
2. New York-LaGuardiaThe cramped plot of land that LaGuardia occupies makes you wonder how a major airport even functions in such a small area. Indeed, it barely functions, with takeoff queues a good 20 or 30 aircraft deep at peak times for one of two runways. On your way to the airport, you must figure out which cramped, undersized terminal houses your airline, which is a task made more complicated by the fact that certain airlines (i.e. Delta) depart from different locations depending on your destination. LaGuardia is relatively close to Manhattan, but there is no good public transit connection to the airport. You are left either taking a bus (and good luck finding guidance regarding which bus to take) or a lengthy taxi ride. As anyone who has been to New York knows, a short distance does not ensure a quick ride.
3. Las Vegas-McCarran
Ninety percent of the time, McCarran is satisfactorily efficient. But when it comes to peak travel periods (Friday evening arrivals, Sunday afternoon departures, and anytime immediately before or after a major convention), all hell breaks lose. The ticket counter area is too small to handle peak crowds, so lines routinely stretch out onto the sidewalk. The security checkpoints for the C and D gates are on a balcony cantilevered over the baggage claim. While airport authority has upgraded the area, it remains too small for peak crowds. Departing out of the D Gates (basically any domestic airline besides US Airways and Southwest) requires a train ride to a remote terminal. While waiting for your flight, you can make use of slot machines that have the worst odds in Vegas or purchase the most overpriced food at any airport in the country. Arriving at McCarran, assuming you survive the potentially intolerable wait for your bags, you are faced with what can be an hour-long wait in the taxi queue at peak times.
4. Washington-DullesDulles is horrible for origin/destination traffic for all the same reasons that it sucks as a connecting airport, plus the fact that it has no connection to DC's otherwise comprehensive Metro rail system. Consolidated, central security checkpoints make for long waits in the mornings and late afternoons. Up until recently, they didn't even have special lanes for frequent fliers and first class passengers. Getting from the security area to your gate requires waiting for a mobile lounge, which is a glorious bus, to depart according to a fixed schedule (i.e. not yours). The food and entertainment offerings in the gate area are also lacking for an airport this size. If you're arriving from Latin America, you better hope your plane doesn't arrive early, since the customs officers are scheduled to show up at 7:00 a.m. and not a moment before.
5. Miami
Miami is the only airport I've visited in the 50 states where public address announcements are made first in Spanish, and only then (if at all) in English. You feel like a foreigner in your own country. Latin American flights arrive in the early morning hours, overwhelming the customs processing areas. Since most of the non-American passengers require visas, the process is predictably slower than at airport handling mainly trans-Atlantic international traffic. Security checkpoints are in cramped quarters atop escalators, requiring passengers to wait in line before being allowed to go upstairs and wait in line. (To its credit, I have reason to believe that since my last visit to MIA, the airport has engaged in renovations that will alleviate these bottlenecks.) If you're driving to the airport (and there's really no other effective way to get there), you're stuck on one of two oft-crowded expressways.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Turkey Bowl XVIII Recap
It was a mild Thanksgiving afternoon, though the field at the Littleton Middle School was enshrouded in fog, making it difficult to see all the way from one end zone to the other. Of course, the Turkey Bowl is played on a 50-yard field, keeping visibility from becoming an issue until the inevitable onset of darkness. With several of our usual players missing, Turkey Bowl XVIII would be an intimate, four-on-four, family affair. In a departure from usual tradition, this game would be played by flag football rules rather than as two-hand touch.
I was joined on my team by Chuck Gould (my uncle), Tiana Gould (Chuck's younger daughter), and Nadine Nadow (my cousin). The opponents were anchored by Travis Nadow (Nadine's brother), accompanied by Melyssa Nadow (Nadine and Travis' sister), Sherry Gould (mother to the three Nadows), and Monique Gould (Chuck's older daughter).
The game got off to an inauspicious start when Chuck fumbled the opening kickoff and Travis recovered the loose ball. But Travis' team went three-and-out and punted the ball away. My team recovered, and within two plays -- one of which was a well-executed trick play where Nadine handed Tiana the ball and proceeded to pick her up and carry her down the field -- drew first blood. Travis quickly responded with a touchdown of his own, taking advantage of a blitz to scramble out of the pocket and run down the field.
Much of the game was a defensive struggle, with dropped passes, interceptions, punts, and nary a first down. At one point, I tipped a pass into my hands for an interception and took it to the end zone for a 14-7 lead that was quickly nullified when Travis returned the ensuing kickoff back for a touchdown of his own.
As the game wore down, I laid a nasty block on Travis after a punt, knocking him to the ground and allowing Nadine to return the ball to the end zone. But Travis responded once again with a touchdown return on the ensuing kickoff. My team then found itself on the 15-yard line after yet another strong kick return, looking to go ahead for good. A run by Tiana put us in prime position but our offense stalled on the six and we were forced to turn the ball over on downs. Travis and Melyssa did their best to advance the ball, but on fourth-and-two from their own 14, Travis' pass fell incomplete.
The onset of nightfall ensured that my team's drive would be the last of the game. The decreased visibility would also pose a challenge. At 21-21, the worst we could do was tie. A quick dump-off to Nadine looked to be the game-winner until Melyssa pulled her flag at the one-yard line. The play was long enough for a first down, giving us four shots at the end zone. On first down, Travis and Melyssa blitzed, pulling my flag for a three-yard loss before I could throw the ball away. My second down pass to Nadine was incomplete. On third down, with visibility rapidly waning, Tiana and I misconnected with the snap and the ball rolled away. I covered it, but we had lost seven yards and had to go for it on fourth-and-goal from the ten.
Knowing that it would be the game's final play, I looked over the middle to where Nadine and Chuck were crossing. One of them tipped the pass in an attempt to catch it, but Travis was able to intercept it and turned on the jets in attempt to take it all the way back. He eluded Nadine and Chuck and I dove to catch him as he ran by me. I took a swipe at his flag but Travis was too quick and without apparently touching the flag, I proceeded to watch him run the length of the field. Suddenly, I realized that Travis' flag was lying on the ground near where I had tried to grab it. I ran over, picked it up, pointed it out to the other team, and insisted that play was dead. Travis' team, on the other hand, claimed victory, arguing that nobody had actually caught him and he would have made it to the end zone had his flag not fallen out.
It was a controversial finish -- one that will have to wait until next year to be resolved. Including Turkey Bowl IV, I have a 12-1-2 record in these games, counting this year's edition as a tie. Maybe next time we'll have more receptions than interceptions. With some of our best weapons back in the game, an improved performance is all but assured.
I was joined on my team by Chuck Gould (my uncle), Tiana Gould (Chuck's younger daughter), and Nadine Nadow (my cousin). The opponents were anchored by Travis Nadow (Nadine's brother), accompanied by Melyssa Nadow (Nadine and Travis' sister), Sherry Gould (mother to the three Nadows), and Monique Gould (Chuck's older daughter).
The game got off to an inauspicious start when Chuck fumbled the opening kickoff and Travis recovered the loose ball. But Travis' team went three-and-out and punted the ball away. My team recovered, and within two plays -- one of which was a well-executed trick play where Nadine handed Tiana the ball and proceeded to pick her up and carry her down the field -- drew first blood. Travis quickly responded with a touchdown of his own, taking advantage of a blitz to scramble out of the pocket and run down the field.
Much of the game was a defensive struggle, with dropped passes, interceptions, punts, and nary a first down. At one point, I tipped a pass into my hands for an interception and took it to the end zone for a 14-7 lead that was quickly nullified when Travis returned the ensuing kickoff back for a touchdown of his own.
As the game wore down, I laid a nasty block on Travis after a punt, knocking him to the ground and allowing Nadine to return the ball to the end zone. But Travis responded once again with a touchdown return on the ensuing kickoff. My team then found itself on the 15-yard line after yet another strong kick return, looking to go ahead for good. A run by Tiana put us in prime position but our offense stalled on the six and we were forced to turn the ball over on downs. Travis and Melyssa did their best to advance the ball, but on fourth-and-two from their own 14, Travis' pass fell incomplete.
The onset of nightfall ensured that my team's drive would be the last of the game. The decreased visibility would also pose a challenge. At 21-21, the worst we could do was tie. A quick dump-off to Nadine looked to be the game-winner until Melyssa pulled her flag at the one-yard line. The play was long enough for a first down, giving us four shots at the end zone. On first down, Travis and Melyssa blitzed, pulling my flag for a three-yard loss before I could throw the ball away. My second down pass to Nadine was incomplete. On third down, with visibility rapidly waning, Tiana and I misconnected with the snap and the ball rolled away. I covered it, but we had lost seven yards and had to go for it on fourth-and-goal from the ten.
Knowing that it would be the game's final play, I looked over the middle to where Nadine and Chuck were crossing. One of them tipped the pass in an attempt to catch it, but Travis was able to intercept it and turned on the jets in attempt to take it all the way back. He eluded Nadine and Chuck and I dove to catch him as he ran by me. I took a swipe at his flag but Travis was too quick and without apparently touching the flag, I proceeded to watch him run the length of the field. Suddenly, I realized that Travis' flag was lying on the ground near where I had tried to grab it. I ran over, picked it up, pointed it out to the other team, and insisted that play was dead. Travis' team, on the other hand, claimed victory, arguing that nobody had actually caught him and he would have made it to the end zone had his flag not fallen out.
It was a controversial finish -- one that will have to wait until next year to be resolved. Including Turkey Bowl IV, I have a 12-1-2 record in these games, counting this year's edition as a tie. Maybe next time we'll have more receptions than interceptions. With some of our best weapons back in the game, an improved performance is all but assured.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Thankful On Thanksgiving
On one of my favorite holidays of the year, I give thanks for the three F's that the holiday stands for -- family, food, and football.
Family
I live within a hour's drive of the majority of my extended family (my brother outside D.C. is the glaring exception), so it's not uncommon for me to go visit them in conjunction with some special occasion, or for no reason at all. But Thanksgiving is the one holiday each year that exists for the specific purpose of spending time with family. Our close geographic proximity allows me to spend time with both my mother's and father's side of my family today. What I'm most thankful for is not just the ability to spend time with family but my desire to spend time with family. While we might have our disagreements, I love my family very much and value them as an extremely important support network. Besides, I actually enjoy hanging out with them.
Food
I love a nice meal. Restaurants are fine, but nothing beats a home-cooked multi-course meal of traditional American fare. Gluttony on Thanksgiving is encouraged. I'm most thankful that my family can have a nice meal together without having to wonder whether we'll have enough money to buy a turkey or if the bank will be generous enough to let us remain in the house over the holiday before instigating foreclosure or eviction proceedings. And I'm also thankful that one meal and its inevitable leftovers will keep me fed through Sunday.
Football
Thanksgiving means football. The day of pigskin begins at 10 a.m. with local high school rivalry games (not that I've been to my alma mater for one of those games in about a decade). At 12:30, the Lions kick off, followed by what are now two more NFL games. My favorite Thanksgiving football tradition though is our annual Turkey Bowl family touch football game. Kicking off at 3:30 p.m. at Littleton Middle School, as it has for the past twelve years, . Speaking of football, I'm thankful that the Patriots are 10-0 going on 19-0, but I'm most thankful that my life situation is sufficiently comfortable that I can take time out to relax and worry about grown men playing schoolyard games instead of more critical necessities.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving to all, and save a drumstick for me!
Family
I live within a hour's drive of the majority of my extended family (my brother outside D.C. is the glaring exception), so it's not uncommon for me to go visit them in conjunction with some special occasion, or for no reason at all. But Thanksgiving is the one holiday each year that exists for the specific purpose of spending time with family. Our close geographic proximity allows me to spend time with both my mother's and father's side of my family today. What I'm most thankful for is not just the ability to spend time with family but my desire to spend time with family. While we might have our disagreements, I love my family very much and value them as an extremely important support network. Besides, I actually enjoy hanging out with them.
FoodI love a nice meal. Restaurants are fine, but nothing beats a home-cooked multi-course meal of traditional American fare. Gluttony on Thanksgiving is encouraged. I'm most thankful that my family can have a nice meal together without having to wonder whether we'll have enough money to buy a turkey or if the bank will be generous enough to let us remain in the house over the holiday before instigating foreclosure or eviction proceedings. And I'm also thankful that one meal and its inevitable leftovers will keep me fed through Sunday.
Football
Thanksgiving means football. The day of pigskin begins at 10 a.m. with local high school rivalry games (not that I've been to my alma mater for one of those games in about a decade). At 12:30, the Lions kick off, followed by what are now two more NFL games. My favorite Thanksgiving football tradition though is our annual Turkey Bowl family touch football game. Kicking off at 3:30 p.m. at Littleton Middle School, as it has for the past twelve years, . Speaking of football, I'm thankful that the Patriots are 10-0 going on 19-0, but I'm most thankful that my life situation is sufficiently comfortable that I can take time out to relax and worry about grown men playing schoolyard games instead of more critical necessities.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving to all, and save a drumstick for me!
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Playing The Spread 2K7, Week 12
Controversy ensued at the end the Browns-Ravens game last week. In case you've been living under a rock, Phil Dawson's game-tying field goal attempt at the end of regulation bounced off the upright, then off the support bar behind the crossbar, then back out onto the field of play. While initially ruled no good, discussions among the officials led Pete Morelli to reverse the call and send the game to overtime. The Ravens had retreated to the locker room where some of the players were already undressing and preparing to shower. They were none too pleased when they were ordered back onto the field. With such a miraculous momentum-shifting development, a Browns victory in OT was a foregone conclusion.
I think that we all agree that field goals should be added to the list of reviewable plays for next season. But I commend the officials for getting the call right, even if it took a while. NFL teams play sixteen games, so each individual game is far more important for playoff purposes than individual games in any of the other major team sports. Some fans decry what they feel is an overly juridical approach to calling the game, claiming that it slows things down and removes the fallible but character-rich human element. I disagree, believing that technology and careful deliberation are valuable tools to resolve contested calls in today's NFL, which is undoubtedly a high-stakes business with major financial implications involved in each win or loss.
Up until recently, MLB umpires were reluctant to overrule one another, considering reversing a colleague's call to be an invasion of his turf. The Jeffrey Maier home run in 1996 was seen differently by the five other umpires, yet it was Richie Garcia's call that stood. (Game 6 of the 2004 ALCS -- the one where A-Rod slapped the ball out of Bronson Arroyo's hand to prevent being tagged -- was the first time I saw MLB umps willing to get together to discuss how a play appeared from their various vantage points.)
The NFL is different. Any typical game sees the zebras huddle up and confer several times. It is not uncommon for a flag that was thrown to be picked up and for the referee to announce that there is no foul on the play. While extreme cases happen (e.g. the 2000 Dolphins-Patriots game where the teams were ordered back onto the field half an hour after the supposed end of the game, since the game-ending fumble should have been ruled an incomplete pass and three seconds should have been left on the clock), officials' conferences do not add any appreciable amount of time to games. Besides, what else are you doing on Sunday afternoons anyway? Take the time to talk things over and get the call right.
(Maybe another day we'll discuss whether officials should be allowed to use unofficial replays on the stadium jumbotron as the basis for their reconsideration....)
The following picks are for entertainment purposes only and should not be the basis for any actual cash wagers or methods for deciding who gets to eat the drumstick.
Last Week: 7-7-2
Season To Date: 75-74-11
Best Bets: 6-5
Eliminator: 9-2 (Streak: W 3)
The Monkey: 5-4-2
Packers (-3.5) over Lions
One of our great American traditions is turning on the television at 12:30 on Thanksgiving afternoon and seeing the Detroit Lions suck. Up until two weeks ago, it looked like that tradition might be in jeopardy. To the relief of the football-loving populace, the Lions are finally screwing games up as usual. All is right with the world once again. WIN
Jets (+14) over Cowboys
The Cowboys have had some trouble putting mediocre teams away this year (see, e.g. Buffalo Bills, Washington Redskins, Minnesota Vikings). The operative question this week is whether replacing Chad Pennington is enough to catapult the Jets into the mediocre category from Dolphins-land. LOSS
Falcons (+11.5) over Colts
Michael Vick surrendered to authorities three weeks before his sentencing hearing was to take place. Sources tell me that Vick considered federal prison to be a more palatable alternative to watching Byron Leftwich run the Falcons into the ground. LOSS
Jaguars (-8) over Bills
I can pretty much guarantee that the Jags won't hang the same 56-spot on the Bills this week that the Pats did last week. I can't guarantee that the Bills won't be similarly overmatched. WIN
Browns (-3.5) over Texans
For the first time in decades, a spectacular, once-in-a-lifetime stroke of good fortune went the Browns' way. Earnest Byner can finally breathe a sigh of relief. WIN
Chiefs (-5.5) over Raiders
Priest Holmes decided to call it a career this week. Raiders fans are praying that Daunte Culpepper decides to do the same the thing before Sunday. LOSS
Seahawks (-3) over Rams
Who would you rather have on your team: Deion Branch, or Randy Moss, Wes Welker, and Donte Stallworth? Yeah, Bill Belichick agrees. WIN
Giants (-7) over Vikings
Thanksgiving at the Manning household: Eli asks Peyton to pass the cranberry sauce. Peyton grabs the bowl and tries to reach across the table to hand it over to Eli. However, Peyton doesn't see Archie coming in from the other direction with a piping hot platter of mashed potatoes. Peyton knocks Archie's arm, causing Archie to spill the potatoes onto Peyton's lap. In a failed attempt to get out of the way in time, Peyton ends up falling out of his chair and the cranberry sauce goes flying into the air. All of a sudden, Antonio Cromartie comes out of nowhere and snatches the bowl just before it hits the ground, returning it all the way back to the kitchen. Peyton accuses Eli and Archie of ruining the holiday, then leaves the dinner table in a huff and spends the rest of the evening sitting in the living room, sulking and refusing to talk to anyone. LOSS
Redskins (+3) over Bucs
Now that the NASCAR season is over, Joe Gibbs can concentrate his full attention on coaching his football team. Actually, the Skins' offensive line could probably use an assist from the likes of Tony Stewart these days. LOSS
Saints (-3) over Panthers
Jake Delhomme, David Carr, Vinny Testaverde, Matt Moore. For the life of me, I can't keep track of who's playing QB for the Panthers week after week. WIN
Titans (-1.5) over Bengals
Vince Young has his best passing game all season, yet the Titans lose by two TD's to the inconsistent-at-best Broncos. Shows you how important he really is to that team. LOSS
Cardinals (-10.5) over 49ers
Note: what you just read is not a typo. The Cardinals are actual double-digit favorites for what seems like the first time since they left Chicago. LOSS
Ravens (+9.5) over Chargers
Brian Billick has petitioned the NFL to install Arena-style rebound nets on the goalposts. If the Ravens are getting screwed on field goal attempts that bounce back anyway, the least the NFL can do is give them a chance to return the ball. LOSS
Broncos (+2) over Bears
On this holiday, Rex Grossman is thankful for being given more second chances than Willie Horton. LOSS
Patriots (-22) over Eagles
Since winning games by 30-point margins has become such a routine matter for the Patriots, Bill Belichick is now motivating his team by challenging them to fulfill certain objectives during each game. This week, the team will consider it a victory if they can get Donovan McNabb to throw up in the huddle again. LOSS
Dolphins (+16) over Steelers
Former Dolphins coach Nick Saban compared Alabama's upset loss to Louisiana-Monroe last weekend with 9/11 and Pearl Harbor. By Saban's standards, the Dolphins' winless season is some unfortunate combination of the Holocaust, the Black Plague, the Darfur massacres, and the Apocalypse. WIN
BEST BET: Seahawks (-3) over Rams WIN
ELIMINATOR: Kansas City Chiefs LOSS
THE MONKEY: Panthers (+3) over Saints LOSS
I think that we all agree that field goals should be added to the list of reviewable plays for next season. But I commend the officials for getting the call right, even if it took a while. NFL teams play sixteen games, so each individual game is far more important for playoff purposes than individual games in any of the other major team sports. Some fans decry what they feel is an overly juridical approach to calling the game, claiming that it slows things down and removes the fallible but character-rich human element. I disagree, believing that technology and careful deliberation are valuable tools to resolve contested calls in today's NFL, which is undoubtedly a high-stakes business with major financial implications involved in each win or loss.Up until recently, MLB umpires were reluctant to overrule one another, considering reversing a colleague's call to be an invasion of his turf. The Jeffrey Maier home run in 1996 was seen differently by the five other umpires, yet it was Richie Garcia's call that stood. (Game 6 of the 2004 ALCS -- the one where A-Rod slapped the ball out of Bronson Arroyo's hand to prevent being tagged -- was the first time I saw MLB umps willing to get together to discuss how a play appeared from their various vantage points.)
The NFL is different. Any typical game sees the zebras huddle up and confer several times. It is not uncommon for a flag that was thrown to be picked up and for the referee to announce that there is no foul on the play. While extreme cases happen (e.g. the 2000 Dolphins-Patriots game where the teams were ordered back onto the field half an hour after the supposed end of the game, since the game-ending fumble should have been ruled an incomplete pass and three seconds should have been left on the clock), officials' conferences do not add any appreciable amount of time to games. Besides, what else are you doing on Sunday afternoons anyway? Take the time to talk things over and get the call right.
(Maybe another day we'll discuss whether officials should be allowed to use unofficial replays on the stadium jumbotron as the basis for their reconsideration....)
The following picks are for entertainment purposes only and should not be the basis for any actual cash wagers or methods for deciding who gets to eat the drumstick.
Last Week: 7-7-2
Season To Date: 75-74-11
Best Bets: 6-5
Eliminator: 9-2 (Streak: W 3)
The Monkey: 5-4-2
Packers (-3.5) over Lions
One of our great American traditions is turning on the television at 12:30 on Thanksgiving afternoon and seeing the Detroit Lions suck. Up until two weeks ago, it looked like that tradition might be in jeopardy. To the relief of the football-loving populace, the Lions are finally screwing games up as usual. All is right with the world once again. WIN
Jets (+14) over Cowboys
The Cowboys have had some trouble putting mediocre teams away this year (see, e.g. Buffalo Bills, Washington Redskins, Minnesota Vikings). The operative question this week is whether replacing Chad Pennington is enough to catapult the Jets into the mediocre category from Dolphins-land. LOSS
Falcons (+11.5) over Colts
Michael Vick surrendered to authorities three weeks before his sentencing hearing was to take place. Sources tell me that Vick considered federal prison to be a more palatable alternative to watching Byron Leftwich run the Falcons into the ground. LOSS
Jaguars (-8) over Bills
I can pretty much guarantee that the Jags won't hang the same 56-spot on the Bills this week that the Pats did last week. I can't guarantee that the Bills won't be similarly overmatched. WIN
Browns (-3.5) over Texans
For the first time in decades, a spectacular, once-in-a-lifetime stroke of good fortune went the Browns' way. Earnest Byner can finally breathe a sigh of relief. WIN
Chiefs (-5.5) over Raiders
Priest Holmes decided to call it a career this week. Raiders fans are praying that Daunte Culpepper decides to do the same the thing before Sunday. LOSS
Seahawks (-3) over Rams
Who would you rather have on your team: Deion Branch, or Randy Moss, Wes Welker, and Donte Stallworth? Yeah, Bill Belichick agrees. WIN
Giants (-7) over Vikings
Thanksgiving at the Manning household: Eli asks Peyton to pass the cranberry sauce. Peyton grabs the bowl and tries to reach across the table to hand it over to Eli. However, Peyton doesn't see Archie coming in from the other direction with a piping hot platter of mashed potatoes. Peyton knocks Archie's arm, causing Archie to spill the potatoes onto Peyton's lap. In a failed attempt to get out of the way in time, Peyton ends up falling out of his chair and the cranberry sauce goes flying into the air. All of a sudden, Antonio Cromartie comes out of nowhere and snatches the bowl just before it hits the ground, returning it all the way back to the kitchen. Peyton accuses Eli and Archie of ruining the holiday, then leaves the dinner table in a huff and spends the rest of the evening sitting in the living room, sulking and refusing to talk to anyone. LOSS
Redskins (+3) over Bucs
Now that the NASCAR season is over, Joe Gibbs can concentrate his full attention on coaching his football team. Actually, the Skins' offensive line could probably use an assist from the likes of Tony Stewart these days. LOSS
Saints (-3) over Panthers
Jake Delhomme, David Carr, Vinny Testaverde, Matt Moore. For the life of me, I can't keep track of who's playing QB for the Panthers week after week. WIN
Titans (-1.5) over Bengals
Vince Young has his best passing game all season, yet the Titans lose by two TD's to the inconsistent-at-best Broncos. Shows you how important he really is to that team. LOSS
Cardinals (-10.5) over 49ers
Note: what you just read is not a typo. The Cardinals are actual double-digit favorites for what seems like the first time since they left Chicago. LOSS
Ravens (+9.5) over Chargers
Brian Billick has petitioned the NFL to install Arena-style rebound nets on the goalposts. If the Ravens are getting screwed on field goal attempts that bounce back anyway, the least the NFL can do is give them a chance to return the ball. LOSS
Broncos (+2) over Bears
On this holiday, Rex Grossman is thankful for being given more second chances than Willie Horton. LOSS
Patriots (-22) over Eagles
Since winning games by 30-point margins has become such a routine matter for the Patriots, Bill Belichick is now motivating his team by challenging them to fulfill certain objectives during each game. This week, the team will consider it a victory if they can get Donovan McNabb to throw up in the huddle again. LOSS
Dolphins (+16) over Steelers
Former Dolphins coach Nick Saban compared Alabama's upset loss to Louisiana-Monroe last weekend with 9/11 and Pearl Harbor. By Saban's standards, the Dolphins' winless season is some unfortunate combination of the Holocaust, the Black Plague, the Darfur massacres, and the Apocalypse. WIN
BEST BET: Seahawks (-3) over Rams WIN
ELIMINATOR: Kansas City Chiefs LOSS
THE MONKEY: Panthers (+3) over Saints LOSS
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Top Five Origin/Destination Airports (Domestic Edition)
1. Washington-Reagan NationalWith a metro station literally out the front door and across the street, Reagan National Airport is one of the most accessible airports in the country. With separate concourses for different airlines, security lines are usually under control. The airport is also capacity-controlled, which keeps fair-weather delays to a minimum. Normally, when Congress is in charge of something, it gets royally screwed up. The exception is when members of Congress actually need to use it, and then, it runs like clockwork.
2. Kansas City
We featured Kansas City as one of our most bizarre airports, thanks to its unique circular layout. Ticket counters, baggage claims, and even the gates are a mere stone's throw from the airport roadway, which means that you can be dropped off at the curb in reach your gate in something like thirty steps. Each set of two or three gates has its own security checkpoint which minimizes lines. Disembarking, it's the same deal: off your plane, jog to the left to grab your bag (which comes quickly since the baggage ramp is right near the plane), and out the door to your ride.
3. Portland, Ore.
Portland's airport is large enough to have service by all major airlines to multiple destinations but is small enough to avoid the long lines and airspace congestion that befalls major hubs. The terminal has an H-shape with the ticket counters located in the crossbar of the H and the security checkpoints at either side of the crossbar. The security checkpoints include plenty of lanes which allow the airport to quickly process passengers during peak travel periods. Getting to and from the airport is easy -- the drive from downtown Portland is maybe 10 minutes long and there is a light rail station within walking distance of the terminal with a direct ride into the city.
4. Manchester-Boston
While Boston's Logan Airport gets an unfair bad rap for being difficult to arrive at and navigate, there's no denying that Manchester is a piece of cake by comparison. I can check in, clear security, and be at my gate within five minutes of walking in the front door. I've also found Manchester's TSA personnel to be the friendliest in the country. Parking is plentiful and reasonably-priced. For those without a car, you can ride a free (!) shuttle from an Orange Line station in Boston. Most major airlines are here, along with Southwest, so you can get just about anywhere in the country starting from Manchester.
5. Orange County-John Wayne, Long Beach, Los Angeles/Ontario, and Burbank-Bob HopeAll of these airports make the list simply because they're not LAX. They're all straightforward airports with one or two terminals (as opposed to nine at LAX) that are generally aesthetically pleasing (as opposed to LAX's warehouses). Sure, they might not all be accessible to public transit, but then again, nothing in Southern California really is. Whereas you need to arrive at LAX up to two hours beforehand to ensure sufficient time to make it through the notoriously unpredictable and potentially monsterous security lines, getting to your gate at any of Los Angeles' alternate airports is a reliably prompt process. While not all airlines are at all airports in the Los Angeles metropolis, you nonetheless have plenty of options that don't include fighting traffic on the 405 en route to the monstrosity that is LAX.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Playing The Spread 2K7, Week 11
Roger Goodell is in his second season of his iron-handed rule as NFL commissioner. In his brief tenure, Goodell has cracked down on just about everything from off-field criminal activity to drinking during team functions to illicit videotaping of defensive signals to on-field touchdown celebrations.
It's the latest crackdown with which I take issue. Previously, I thought that the likes of Terrell Owens and Chad Johnson were egotistical showboaters whose limelight-seeking behavior was deplorable. Goodell felt the same way, banning all celebrations that involve the players leaving their feet or using a prop. Players have complained for years about the NFL squeezing all the individual expression out of the game, labeling the NFL as the "No Fun League." Under the current policy, even the Lambeau Leap is technically verboten (even if not enforced). Owens was fined for holding the football against the goalpost and pretending to film a movie with it, even though the football and goalpost were on-field implements, not extraneous props.
It's a dangerous slippery slope and I think Goodell has gone too far. Unless the dance is in bad taste (i.e. throat-slashing gestures or Randy Moss' fake moon of the Lambeau Field fans) Goodell should just leave it alone. After all, the successful teams are the ones who don't engage in individualistic showboating. By cracking down on otherwise inoffensive touchdown celebrations, Goodell is needlessly reducing the entertainment value of his product.The following picks are for entertainment purposes only and should not the basis for any actual cash wagers.
Last Week: 3-10-1
Season To Date: 68-67-9
Best Bets: 5-5
Eliminator: 8-2 (Streak: W 2)
The Monkey: 5-4-1
Chargers (+3) over Jaguars
Peyton Manning's favorite receiver last week? Antonio Cromartie. LOSS
Browns (-3) over Ravens
Rarely have I seen a team with such a complete lack of desire to win. Even though they kept the Bengals out of the end zone the entire game, the Ravens still lost 21-7. TIE
Giants (-3) over Lions
While they may be on pace for a wild card spot, every once in while they remind all of us that they're still the Lions. WIN
Saints (+1.5) over Texans
Matt Schaub and Andre Johnson are expected to be back on the field for Houston this weekend. It's kind of like Carl Pavano coming off the DL -- sure, it's great that they're healthy, but will it really make much of a difference? LOSS
Packers (-9.5) over Panthers
Immediately after this week's showdown between Brett Favre and Vinny Testaverde, the loser will be carted away to the Golden Pasture Retirement Home. WIN
Chiefs (+14.5) over Colts
Now that the Colts have lost two straight games, Peyton Manning jokes are fair game once again. Let's try this one: How many Colts does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two -- one to hold it and Peyton Manning to sit there muttering about how he's doing it wrong, even though Manning gave him a bad bulb to begin with. WIN
Vikings (-5) over Raiders
All-World rookie Adrian Peterson will miss at least one game (and perhaps many more) with a torn LCL. Sounds like a good reason to dock his paycheck. WIN
Eagles (-10) over Dolphins
You know your franchise is in trouble when your last chance to resurrect your season lies in the hands of a recently-reinstated free-spirited unabashed marijuana addict who hasn't played a single down in two year. TIE
Bucs (-3) over Falcons
Michael Vick's sentencing on dogfighting charges is a month away. However, he got some good news today when he learned that once incarcerated, he'll be able to share a cell with Barry Bonds. WIN
Bengals (-3) over Cardinals
Every so often, the Cardinals play a really great game. Unfortunately for them, playoff berths aren't awarded by calculating the number of wins over a three-year span. LOSS
Steelers (-9.5) over Jets
With Michael Vick on ice until further notice, Ben Roethlisberger of all people is making his case for being being the NFL's new dynamic scrambling quarterback. LOSS
Cowboys (-10.5) over Redskins
After last weekend's decisive victory over the Giants, the Cowboys are the definitive team to beat in the NFC. I would have loved to a fly on the wall in Drew Bledsoe's Montana ranch, watching the retired quarterback wince every time Tony Romo completed yet another difficult pass. LOSS
Rams (-3) over 49ers
These two teams have a combined 3-15 record, but at least St. Louis is on a winning streak. WIN
Seahawks (-5.5) over Bears
Rex Grossman's off-the-bench performance in Chicago's comeback last week has caused Bears fans to forgive his ineffectiveness during the rest of this season. I know better. WIN
Bills (+16) over Patriots
By moving this game into the prime-time slot, the NFL gave the Bills a seven-hour stay of execution before their ritual slaughter. LOSS
Titans (+2) over Broncos
I'm 2-7 picking Broncos games this year, which tells me that this time around, I should go against every instinct I have. But somehow, I just can see this wildly inconsistent team pulling off two decisive wins in a row. LOSS
BEST BET: Rams (-3) over 49ers WIN
ELIMINATOR: Philadephia Eagles WIN
THE MONKEY: Dolphins (+10) over Eagles TIE
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Top Five Interactive Foods
Who says I'm too old to be playing with my food?
1. Salad Bar
From a very young age, I've always been fascinated with salad bars. Maybe it's because I'm a bit picky when it comes to veggies and prefer the opportunity to only eat those that I like. Maybe it's because a salad bar in a restaurant or supermarket offers far more in variety than any salad you assemble at home. Maybe it's because salad bar croutons are invariably awesome. Maybe it's because while at any given salad bar, I'll get the same thing nine out of ten times, but the tenth time I'll throw caution to the wind and venture over to the pasta salads and couscous and fruit.
2. Vietnamese Rice Wraps
The experience of Vietnamese rice wraps is the reason to order this dish whenever it's available. You take your rice paper, dip in the hot water, grab it (if you can) with the unwieldy tongs they give you, then fill it up with chicken, mint leaves, matted-up noodles, whatever other vegetables they give you, and the sweet and sour sauce they provide. Then you somehow roll it up and if it doesn't fall apart between the plate and your mouth (good luck), enjoy! Rice wraps get the nod over their cousin, Thai lettuce wraps, because melting a piece of rice paper in hot water is much more fun than tearing off a portion of a lettuce leaf.
3. Fajitas
Any Mexican restaurant that does fajitas properly (and that even includes Chili's) will deliver a minimum of four plates to your table: a plastic container filled with tortillas; a small plate loaded with cheese, salsa, lettuce, sour cream, and guacamole; an empty plate where you can put everything together; and -- the piece de resistance -- a sizzling skillet loaded with chicken, beef, peppers, and onions, accompanied by the obligatory warning that's it's hot and you shouldn't touch it. You have a veritable Mexican fiesta, and it's all for you!
4. Peking Duck
Peking duck is the emperor of dishes at your local Chinese restaurant. The centerpiece is a tray of roasted duck, meticulously arranged with breast meat in the middle, surrounded by dark meat, topped with skin, and four drumsticks poking out from each corner. Accoutrements de rigeur are scallions with shredded ends, pancakes, and the delicious plum-based hoisin sauce. Some places will feature the waiter assembling pancakes table-side while others are strictly self-service. Either way, the end result is a delightful treat.
5. Ice Cream Sundae
To finish our meal, we'll partake in the most interactive of desserts. A good ice cream sundae bar should start with a couple of traditional ice cream varieties (vanilla, chocolate, and/or strawberry) joined by one or two specialty flavors (cookie dough, heath bar crunch, mint chocolate chunk). For sauces, hot fudge is obligatory while strawberry, caramel, marshmellow, and peanut butter sauce are highly recommended. Then, you need sprinkles, walnuts, crushed Oreos, and M&M's as toppings. Whipped cream is a must (in a can is okay, fresh whipped is amazing, Cool Whip is barely tolerable given a lack of alternatives). And, of course, what would an ice cream sundae be without a cherry (or three) on top?
1. Salad BarFrom a very young age, I've always been fascinated with salad bars. Maybe it's because I'm a bit picky when it comes to veggies and prefer the opportunity to only eat those that I like. Maybe it's because a salad bar in a restaurant or supermarket offers far more in variety than any salad you assemble at home. Maybe it's because salad bar croutons are invariably awesome. Maybe it's because while at any given salad bar, I'll get the same thing nine out of ten times, but the tenth time I'll throw caution to the wind and venture over to the pasta salads and couscous and fruit.
2. Vietnamese Rice Wraps
The experience of Vietnamese rice wraps is the reason to order this dish whenever it's available. You take your rice paper, dip in the hot water, grab it (if you can) with the unwieldy tongs they give you, then fill it up with chicken, mint leaves, matted-up noodles, whatever other vegetables they give you, and the sweet and sour sauce they provide. Then you somehow roll it up and if it doesn't fall apart between the plate and your mouth (good luck), enjoy! Rice wraps get the nod over their cousin, Thai lettuce wraps, because melting a piece of rice paper in hot water is much more fun than tearing off a portion of a lettuce leaf.
3. Fajitas
Any Mexican restaurant that does fajitas properly (and that even includes Chili's) will deliver a minimum of four plates to your table: a plastic container filled with tortillas; a small plate loaded with cheese, salsa, lettuce, sour cream, and guacamole; an empty plate where you can put everything together; and -- the piece de resistance -- a sizzling skillet loaded with chicken, beef, peppers, and onions, accompanied by the obligatory warning that's it's hot and you shouldn't touch it. You have a veritable Mexican fiesta, and it's all for you!
4. Peking DuckPeking duck is the emperor of dishes at your local Chinese restaurant. The centerpiece is a tray of roasted duck, meticulously arranged with breast meat in the middle, surrounded by dark meat, topped with skin, and four drumsticks poking out from each corner. Accoutrements de rigeur are scallions with shredded ends, pancakes, and the delicious plum-based hoisin sauce. Some places will feature the waiter assembling pancakes table-side while others are strictly self-service. Either way, the end result is a delightful treat.
5. Ice Cream Sundae
To finish our meal, we'll partake in the most interactive of desserts. A good ice cream sundae bar should start with a couple of traditional ice cream varieties (vanilla, chocolate, and/or strawberry) joined by one or two specialty flavors (cookie dough, heath bar crunch, mint chocolate chunk). For sauces, hot fudge is obligatory while strawberry, caramel, marshmellow, and peanut butter sauce are highly recommended. Then, you need sprinkles, walnuts, crushed Oreos, and M&M's as toppings. Whipped cream is a must (in a can is okay, fresh whipped is amazing, Cool Whip is barely tolerable given a lack of alternatives). And, of course, what would an ice cream sundae be without a cherry (or three) on top?
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Playing The Spread 2K7, Week 10
Another midseason Playing The Spread tradition is to examine our playoff predictions from the start of the season and modify them accordingly. Without further ado, here we go:
AMERICAN FOOTBALL CONFERENCE
East: New England Patriots
The surprise here is not that the Pats are winning the division but that they've done so in such a dominating fashion.
North: Pittsburgh Steelers
Pittsburgh should capture the NFC North easily, particularly with so-called rivals like the Ravens all too willing to lie down and hand over the division crown right now.
South: Indianapolis Colts
Again, it's no surprise that the Colts remain the clear favorite in the South. I wish we'd have seen the Peyton Manning sulky face more than we have, but what's important is that we see it January 20th in Foxboro.
West: San Diego Chargers
The West remains the most wide-open division in the AFC. While San Diego has the talent to capture a home game in the first round, the Chargers' propensity to mail in every third game may allow Kansas City to sneak in the back door.
Wild Cards: Baltimore Ravens, Cincinnati Bengals
The overachieving Titans have quietly posted a 6-2 record and appear to have the inside track on a wild card spot. I'd give Cleveland the edge of Kansas City for the final berth
NATIONAL FOOTBALL CONFERENCE
East: New York Giants
After a slow start, the G-men now have a very good shot at capturing this division. I do think the Cowboys will edge them out, but the Giants will nonetheless make waves as a wild card.
North: Chicago Bears
I predicted them to win the division and the conference, but there's a very strong chance the Bears will finish butt naked last in the North. After being written off for dead, Brett Favre will lead the Pack back to the playoffs and possibly capture a first-round bye in the process.
South: New Orleans Saints
Despite the fact that New Orleans though the season didn't begin until mid-October, they should be able to outlast the Bucs on the basis of talent alone.
West: Seattle Seahawks
Who will win the NFC West? More importantly, will they finish better than 8-8? It won't be the Rams and it won't be the Niners, so it will come down to whoever sucks less between the Seahawks and the Cardinals. I can't foresee the Cardinals winning anything of importance, so Seattle gets the nod by default.
Wild Cards: Carolina Panthers, Philadelphia Eagles
The Eagles have played one good game all season while the Panthers can't seem to find a healthy quarterback. The Giants are a lock for a wild card. As long as they don't suffer a massive late-season collapse (and you never know with that franchise), the Lions should wrap up
SUPERBOWL XLII: New England Patriots beat Chicago Bears (but does it really matter who the NFC puts up?)
It still doesn't matter who the NFC puts up, but I think the Dallas Cowboys can give the Pats a run for their money until about five minutes after halftime. But you might as well start warming up the duck boats now.
The following selections are for entertainment purposes only and should not be the basis for any actual cash wagers.
Last Week: 9-5
Season To Date: 65-57-8
Best Bets: 5-4
Eliminator: 7-2 (Streak: W 1)
The Monkey: 5-3-1
Steelers (-9.5) over Browns
I love the way the Browns have been playing lately, but after putting up 38 points in a driving rainstorm, the Steelers look unstoppable (at least until Big Ben suffers a season-ending injury after foolishly being left in the game during the late stages of a blowout). LOSS
Packers (-6) over Vikings
Missing a game to attend the funeral of the woman who raised you is completely unacceptable as far as the Vikings are concerned. Hiring strippers to perform oral sex on you on a booze cruise? Now that's another story. WIN
Redskins (-3) over Eagles
After both of his sons were sentenced to incarceration, a judge called Andy Reid's household a "drug emporium." Reid promptly received a phone call from the Cincinnati Bengals organization offering him the head coaching position. LOSS
Titans (-4) over Jaguars
Vince Young is underperforming, Pacman Jones wasn't reinstated, and the majority of the nation can't name any other player on the team, but the Titans are a quiet 6-2 and playing like they belong in the postseason. For some reason, I think that Jeff Fisher wouldn't want it any other way. LOSS
Falcons (+4) over Panthers
After losing three quarterbacks to injury this year, the Panthers should probably just throw in the towel and run the triple option for the rest of the season. WIN
Patriots over nobody
I don't care that they're on a bye week -- the Pats will still find a way for Tom Brady to throw three touchdowns en route to running up the score yet again.
Chiefs (-3) over Broncos
A 44-7 loss to any team is bad enough, but dropping a game to the previously hapless Detroit Lions means that your once-proud franchise is an embarrassment to its city and its fans. LOSS
Bills (-3) over Dolphins
For the first time all season, the Dolphins can finally play a game without coming off a loss the week before. TIE
Saints (-11.5) over Rams
See entry for Bills-Dolphins. LOSS
Ravens (-4) over Bengals
Chris Henry can finally return to his team now that his suspension is over. Cincinnati's drug dealers rejoice! LOSS
Raiders (+3.5) over Bears
Lane Kiffen showed some promise early on but with the Raiders' struggles as of late, he very well could be the next victim of Al Davis' notorious impatience. LOSS
Giants (+1) over Cowboys
If last Sunday featured the de facto AFC Championship, this game could very well be the de facto title game in the NFC. Let's hope we'll see a Manning brother on the losing end for the season straight week. LOSS
Lions (+1) over Cardinals
Jon Kitna appeared in Sports Illustrated this week wearing a hat with a cross on it to show off his faith. Funny, I never knew that going to a Halloween party wearing a costume that ridicules your own team's assistant coach for his indiscretions was a Christian thing to do. LOSS
Colts (-3.5) over Chargers
The Chargers are coming off a game where they gave up 296 yards to one player. Joseph Addai must be licking his chops. A WONDERFUL LOSS
Seahawks (-10) over 49ers
ESPN is begging the NFL for a mulligan on this Monday Night Football selection. You're better off watching the 57 minutes of filler that is the Dancing With The Stars results show, followed by an always-exciting episode of Heroes, then switching over to MTV for the guaranteed train wreck that is Heidi and Spencer on The Hills. WIN
BEST BET: Lions (+1) over Cardinals LOSS
ELIMINATOR: Green Bay Packers WIN
THE MONKEY: Raiders (+3.5) over Bears LOSS
AMERICAN FOOTBALL CONFERENCE
East: New England Patriots
The surprise here is not that the Pats are winning the division but that they've done so in such a dominating fashion.
North: Pittsburgh Steelers
Pittsburgh should capture the NFC North easily, particularly with so-called rivals like the Ravens all too willing to lie down and hand over the division crown right now.
South: Indianapolis Colts
Again, it's no surprise that the Colts remain the clear favorite in the South. I wish we'd have seen the Peyton Manning sulky face more than we have, but what's important is that we see it January 20th in Foxboro.
West: San Diego Chargers
The West remains the most wide-open division in the AFC. While San Diego has the talent to capture a home game in the first round, the Chargers' propensity to mail in every third game may allow Kansas City to sneak in the back door.
Wild Cards: Baltimore Ravens, Cincinnati Bengals
The overachieving Titans have quietly posted a 6-2 record and appear to have the inside track on a wild card spot. I'd give Cleveland the edge of Kansas City for the final berth
NATIONAL FOOTBALL CONFERENCE
East: New York Giants
After a slow start, the G-men now have a very good shot at capturing this division. I do think the Cowboys will edge them out, but the Giants will nonetheless make waves as a wild card.
North: Chicago Bears
I predicted them to win the division and the conference, but there's a very strong chance the Bears will finish butt naked last in the North. After being written off for dead, Brett Favre will lead the Pack back to the playoffs and possibly capture a first-round bye in the process.
South: New Orleans Saints
Despite the fact that New Orleans though the season didn't begin until mid-October, they should be able to outlast the Bucs on the basis of talent alone.
West: Seattle Seahawks
Who will win the NFC West? More importantly, will they finish better than 8-8? It won't be the Rams and it won't be the Niners, so it will come down to whoever sucks less between the Seahawks and the Cardinals. I can't foresee the Cardinals winning anything of importance, so Seattle gets the nod by default.
Wild Cards: Carolina Panthers, Philadelphia Eagles
The Eagles have played one good game all season while the Panthers can't seem to find a healthy quarterback. The Giants are a lock for a wild card. As long as they don't suffer a massive late-season collapse (and you never know with that franchise), the Lions should wrap up
SUPERBOWL XLII: New England Patriots beat Chicago Bears (but does it really matter who the NFC puts up?)
It still doesn't matter who the NFC puts up, but I think the Dallas Cowboys can give the Pats a run for their money until about five minutes after halftime. But you might as well start warming up the duck boats now.
The following selections are for entertainment purposes only and should not be the basis for any actual cash wagers.
Last Week: 9-5
Season To Date: 65-57-8
Best Bets: 5-4
Eliminator: 7-2 (Streak: W 1)
The Monkey: 5-3-1
Steelers (-9.5) over Browns
I love the way the Browns have been playing lately, but after putting up 38 points in a driving rainstorm, the Steelers look unstoppable (at least until Big Ben suffers a season-ending injury after foolishly being left in the game during the late stages of a blowout). LOSS
Packers (-6) over Vikings
Missing a game to attend the funeral of the woman who raised you is completely unacceptable as far as the Vikings are concerned. Hiring strippers to perform oral sex on you on a booze cruise? Now that's another story. WIN
Redskins (-3) over Eagles
After both of his sons were sentenced to incarceration, a judge called Andy Reid's household a "drug emporium." Reid promptly received a phone call from the Cincinnati Bengals organization offering him the head coaching position. LOSS
Titans (-4) over Jaguars
Vince Young is underperforming, Pacman Jones wasn't reinstated, and the majority of the nation can't name any other player on the team, but the Titans are a quiet 6-2 and playing like they belong in the postseason. For some reason, I think that Jeff Fisher wouldn't want it any other way. LOSS
Falcons (+4) over Panthers
After losing three quarterbacks to injury this year, the Panthers should probably just throw in the towel and run the triple option for the rest of the season. WIN
Patriots over nobody
I don't care that they're on a bye week -- the Pats will still find a way for Tom Brady to throw three touchdowns en route to running up the score yet again.
Chiefs (-3) over Broncos
A 44-7 loss to any team is bad enough, but dropping a game to the previously hapless Detroit Lions means that your once-proud franchise is an embarrassment to its city and its fans. LOSS
Bills (-3) over Dolphins
For the first time all season, the Dolphins can finally play a game without coming off a loss the week before. TIE
Saints (-11.5) over Rams
See entry for Bills-Dolphins. LOSS
Ravens (-4) over Bengals
Chris Henry can finally return to his team now that his suspension is over. Cincinnati's drug dealers rejoice! LOSS
Raiders (+3.5) over Bears
Lane Kiffen showed some promise early on but with the Raiders' struggles as of late, he very well could be the next victim of Al Davis' notorious impatience. LOSS
Giants (+1) over Cowboys
If last Sunday featured the de facto AFC Championship, this game could very well be the de facto title game in the NFC. Let's hope we'll see a Manning brother on the losing end for the season straight week. LOSS
Lions (+1) over Cardinals
Jon Kitna appeared in Sports Illustrated this week wearing a hat with a cross on it to show off his faith. Funny, I never knew that going to a Halloween party wearing a costume that ridicules your own team's assistant coach for his indiscretions was a Christian thing to do. LOSS
Colts (-3.5) over Chargers
The Chargers are coming off a game where they gave up 296 yards to one player. Joseph Addai must be licking his chops. A WONDERFUL LOSS
Seahawks (-10) over 49ers
ESPN is begging the NFL for a mulligan on this Monday Night Football selection. You're better off watching the 57 minutes of filler that is the Dancing With The Stars results show, followed by an always-exciting episode of Heroes, then switching over to MTV for the guaranteed train wreck that is Heidi and Spencer on The Hills. WIN
BEST BET: Lions (+1) over Cardinals LOSS
ELIMINATOR: Green Bay Packers WIN
THE MONKEY: Raiders (+3.5) over Bears LOSS
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Don Shula Is An Idiot
He may be the winningest coach in NFL history, but Don Shula's recent statement casts doubt on the brilliance for which many people have praised him over the years (or maybe it's just the onset of senility):
"The Spygate thing has diminished what they've accomplished," Shula said in an interview with the New York Daily News. "You would hate to have that attached to your accomplishments. They've got it. [The penalty] tells you the seriousness or significance of what they found.... I guess you got the same thing as putting an asterisk by Barry Bonds' home run record."
You can argue that the Patriots' camera scandal (please don't call it Spygate, people) may cast doubt on the Pats' accomplishments in previous seasons. I will listen to you, then proceed to demolish your argument by pointing out there is no proof of how long Bill Belichick's practice was in effect and challenging the sense in revisiting records several years down the road in light of newly-received information. (Consider, for example, that the 2003 NFC Champion Carolina Panthers had several players on their roster who had likely used performance-enhancing drugs, yet you don't hear any calls to strip them of their conference championship.)
But for Shula to infer that the videotape scandal casts any doubt on the current season is ludicrous. We've been through this once before, people, but let's try it again: In the first game of the season, Jets security confiscated the tape being shot by the Pats' videographer during the first half, thus ensuring that Belichick would never get to see it. After that game, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell insisted that Belichick turn over his entire video collection for prompt destruction. Therefore, Belichick and the Pats received no assistance whatsoever from illicitly-obtained videotapes and their 9-0 record with 33 passing touchdowns is one hundred percent the product of their own unenhanced efforts. By the way, I mention once again that the practice would be completely legitimate if it didn't involve videotape but mere live scouting of opposing teams' signals.
All I can say is that the record-setting performances the Patriots have put forth so far (and the complete lack of any indications that their steam is about to run out) would be even more mind-blowing had the Pats still been videotaping. Shula can argue that the scandal tarnishes past seasons, but if he's suggesting it at all diminishes the accomplishments of the present season, he's off his rocker. (Shula's better off running steakhouses at this point of his life anyway.)
"The Spygate thing has diminished what they've accomplished," Shula said in an interview with the New York Daily News. "You would hate to have that attached to your accomplishments. They've got it. [The penalty] tells you the seriousness or significance of what they found.... I guess you got the same thing as putting an asterisk by Barry Bonds' home run record."You can argue that the Patriots' camera scandal (please don't call it Spygate, people) may cast doubt on the Pats' accomplishments in previous seasons. I will listen to you, then proceed to demolish your argument by pointing out there is no proof of how long Bill Belichick's practice was in effect and challenging the sense in revisiting records several years down the road in light of newly-received information. (Consider, for example, that the 2003 NFC Champion Carolina Panthers had several players on their roster who had likely used performance-enhancing drugs, yet you don't hear any calls to strip them of their conference championship.)
But for Shula to infer that the videotape scandal casts any doubt on the current season is ludicrous. We've been through this once before, people, but let's try it again: In the first game of the season, Jets security confiscated the tape being shot by the Pats' videographer during the first half, thus ensuring that Belichick would never get to see it. After that game, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell insisted that Belichick turn over his entire video collection for prompt destruction. Therefore, Belichick and the Pats received no assistance whatsoever from illicitly-obtained videotapes and their 9-0 record with 33 passing touchdowns is one hundred percent the product of their own unenhanced efforts. By the way, I mention once again that the practice would be completely legitimate if it didn't involve videotape but mere live scouting of opposing teams' signals.
All I can say is that the record-setting performances the Patriots have put forth so far (and the complete lack of any indications that their steam is about to run out) would be even more mind-blowing had the Pats still been videotaping. Shula can argue that the scandal tarnishes past seasons, but if he's suggesting it at all diminishes the accomplishments of the present season, he's off his rocker. (Shula's better off running steakhouses at this point of his life anyway.)
Sunday, November 04, 2007
It Gets Earlier Every Year
Now, I didn't note the exact day and time the way I did last year, but today is November 4th and I've already starting seeing the Christmas-themed advertisements on television. Also, Davis Square in Somerville already has wreaths and ornaments hanging from lightpoles. It is four days after Halloween, people! There are jack-o-lanterns sitting on people's porches and I'm nowhere near finishing my leftover candy for trick-or-treaters (none of whom actually bothered marching up the forty-one stairs to my apartment).
It used to be that the day after Thanksgiving was the start of the holiday (oh, who are we kidding, Christmas!) shopping season. Now, it's the day after Halloween. I don't consider Jesus Christ to be my Lord and Savior, but I respect Christmas as a great occasion for people to get together with family and take a break from the daily routine. Corporate America would have you believe that you can only have an enjoyable Christmas by spending lots of money on crap they're trying to hawk. And because of the economic downturn, the big retail strategy of the year is to get people to spend their money earlier than ever. Therefore, we have Christmas ads hitting the airwaves before November sweeps even begin. You know the song about the twelve days of Christmas? They should make a modern version that discusses the two months of Christmas.
Only 51 shopping days left!
It used to be that the day after Thanksgiving was the start of the holiday (oh, who are we kidding, Christmas!) shopping season. Now, it's the day after Halloween. I don't consider Jesus Christ to be my Lord and Savior, but I respect Christmas as a great occasion for people to get together with family and take a break from the daily routine. Corporate America would have you believe that you can only have an enjoyable Christmas by spending lots of money on crap they're trying to hawk. And because of the economic downturn, the big retail strategy of the year is to get people to spend their money earlier than ever. Therefore, we have Christmas ads hitting the airwaves before November sweeps even begin. You know the song about the twelve days of Christmas? They should make a modern version that discusses the two months of Christmas.
Only 51 shopping days left!
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Playing The Spread 2K7, Week 9
An annual feature of Playing The Spread around this time of year is our ride on the coaching carousel. In this space, I predict which coaches are most at risk of being fired at the end of the season, if not before. Last year, I correctly predicted the postseason demise of Dennis Green and Art Shell while missing the boat on Mike Sherman and not foreseeing that the Lions would give Matt Millen a seventh chance to turn things around (looks like the seventh time is the charm). Here's this year's crop of likely losers.
Scott Linehan, Rams - The St. Louis Rams are sorry remnants of what used to be the Greatest Show On Turf. They won one Super Bowl early this decade and lost to the Patriots the next year. Since then, they haven't caught a whiff of the big game. The Rams are winless through eight weeks of the season. Even Mike Martz would do a better job than Linehan.
Mike Nolan, 49ers - Nolan is better known for his fight with the NFL for his right to wear a suit on the sidelines than for any on-field product. However, NFL owners are far more concerned with winning than with having a nice outfit on game day -- just ask Bill Belichick. While the 49ers have been hampered by injuries this year (which obviously aren't Nolan's fault), they need to shake things up in order to recapture their prior glory.
Eric Mangini, Jets - The Jets were evidently impressed with the Boy Wonder's performance in one year as Bill Belichick's defensive coordinator, giving him their head coaching job at the ripe age of 35. Mangini has proven green, and I'm not talking about the color of the Jets uniforms. With talent like Chad Pennington, Laveranues Cole, Thomas Jones, and D'Brickashaw Ferguson, the Jets should at least be competitive in a weak AFC East (Patriots notwithstanding). It looks like Mangini needed Belichick more than Belichick needed Mangini.
Andy Reid, Eagles - Reid has taken the Eagles from Super Bowl contender to laughing stock of the NFC East. He presided over the Terrell Owens fiasco in 2005 and was criticized for questionable play calling and clock management in seasons since. The Eagles are clearly moving in the wrong direction, and if they don't reverse course soon, Reid could find himself on the chopping block. In fact, it would probably be a good idea for Reid to spend less time around his team and more time around his insubordinate children.
The following picks are for entertainment purposes only and should not be the basis for any actual cash wagers.
Last Week: 8-5
Season To Date: 56-52-8
Best Bets: 4-4
Eliminator: 6-2 (Streak: L 1)
The Monkey: 4-3-1
Bucs (-3.5) over Cardinals
Kurt Warner continues his quest to become the best one-handed athlete since Jim Abbott. WIN
Lions (-3) over Broncos
At least the folks in Denver still have the Broncos. On second thought, when you lose at home to an NFC team with a hilariously pathetic running game, you can pretty much kiss the postseason goodbye. WIN
Titans (-4) over Panthers
Now that Vinny Testaverde's fourth annual comeback from retirement is over, the Panthers will have to make do with human tackling dummy David Carr. WIN
Packers (+2.5) over Chiefs
The Packers look like the best team in the NFC right now, which is kind of like saying that Posh was the most musically talented member of the Spice Girls. WIN
Chargers (-7) over Vikings
The rumor floating around this week was that the Vikings were interested in having Jeff George come out of retirement to lend them a hand. They would have pursued Ryan Leaf, but he was too busy handing out free tacos when the Vikings tried to call him on Tuesday afternoon. LOSS
Saints (-3) over Jaguars
Just to be good sports, the Saints decided to spot the rest of the NFC South the first month of the season before making their charge for the division title. WIN
Falcons (-3.5) over 49ers
With Terrell Owens surprisingly quiet this season, DeAngelo Hall has taken his place as the NFL's leading malcontent -- further evidence that nature abhors a vacuum. WIN
Redskins (-3.5) over Jets
Eric Mangini finally realized what the rest of the world concluded a month ago and decided to bench Chad Pennington. Too bad that his reluctance to yank Pennington's job will cost Mangini his own job. LOSS
Bills (+1) over Bengals
I'm sure that Chad Johnson is angry that Jonathan Papelbon stole his celebratory Riverdance, but Chad should know that you actually need to get into the end zone before you have the right to start dancing. WIN
Seahawks (+1.5) over Browns
On Sunday, the Seahawks and Browns will battle it out for the right to be called the least deserving 5-3 team in the NFL. LOSS
Patriots (-5) over Colts
If you read ESPN's Tuesday Morning Quarterback, you'll know that this Sunday's late game is the ultimate battle between good and evil. Notwithstanding the fact that TMQ is full of crap, I've never been more happy to be called a Satan worshipper. LOSS
Raiders (-3) over Texans
And here's a game that nobody in America will be watching, including the folks in Oakland who are having their home market blacked out. (Raiders fans are secretly cheering, knowing that they'll get to watch Pats-Colts and see a couple of real teams play.) LOSS
Cowboys (-3) over Eagles
Tony Romo is hoping that the thought of his rumored lap dance by Britney Spears will cause Donovan McNabb to reprise his Super Bowl XXXIX performance and blow chunks on the field. WIN
Steelers (-9.5) over Ravens
Ray Lewis called Adalius Thomas a coward after Thomas criticized his former team. Thomas responded by saying that while he might be a coward, at least he's not a killer. WIN
BEST BET: Titans (-4) over Panthers WIN
ELIMINATOR: Dallas Cowboys WIN
THE MONKEY: Jets (+3.5) over Redskins WIN
Scott Linehan, Rams - The St. Louis Rams are sorry remnants of what used to be the Greatest Show On Turf. They won one Super Bowl early this decade and lost to the Patriots the next year. Since then, they haven't caught a whiff of the big game. The Rams are winless through eight weeks of the season. Even Mike Martz would do a better job than Linehan.
Mike Nolan, 49ers - Nolan is better known for his fight with the NFL for his right to wear a suit on the sidelines than for any on-field product. However, NFL owners are far more concerned with winning than with having a nice outfit on game day -- just ask Bill Belichick. While the 49ers have been hampered by injuries this year (which obviously aren't Nolan's fault), they need to shake things up in order to recapture their prior glory.Eric Mangini, Jets - The Jets were evidently impressed with the Boy Wonder's performance in one year as Bill Belichick's defensive coordinator, giving him their head coaching job at the ripe age of 35. Mangini has proven green, and I'm not talking about the color of the Jets uniforms. With talent like Chad Pennington, Laveranues Cole, Thomas Jones, and D'Brickashaw Ferguson, the Jets should at least be competitive in a weak AFC East (Patriots notwithstanding). It looks like Mangini needed Belichick more than Belichick needed Mangini.
Andy Reid, Eagles - Reid has taken the Eagles from Super Bowl contender to laughing stock of the NFC East. He presided over the Terrell Owens fiasco in 2005 and was criticized for questionable play calling and clock management in seasons since. The Eagles are clearly moving in the wrong direction, and if they don't reverse course soon, Reid could find himself on the chopping block. In fact, it would probably be a good idea for Reid to spend less time around his team and more time around his insubordinate children.
The following picks are for entertainment purposes only and should not be the basis for any actual cash wagers.
Last Week: 8-5
Season To Date: 56-52-8
Best Bets: 4-4
Eliminator: 6-2 (Streak: L 1)
The Monkey: 4-3-1
Bucs (-3.5) over Cardinals
Kurt Warner continues his quest to become the best one-handed athlete since Jim Abbott. WIN
Lions (-3) over Broncos
At least the folks in Denver still have the Broncos. On second thought, when you lose at home to an NFC team with a hilariously pathetic running game, you can pretty much kiss the postseason goodbye. WIN
Titans (-4) over Panthers
Now that Vinny Testaverde's fourth annual comeback from retirement is over, the Panthers will have to make do with human tackling dummy David Carr. WIN
Packers (+2.5) over Chiefs
The Packers look like the best team in the NFC right now, which is kind of like saying that Posh was the most musically talented member of the Spice Girls. WIN
Chargers (-7) over Vikings
The rumor floating around this week was that the Vikings were interested in having Jeff George come out of retirement to lend them a hand. They would have pursued Ryan Leaf, but he was too busy handing out free tacos when the Vikings tried to call him on Tuesday afternoon. LOSS
Saints (-3) over Jaguars
Just to be good sports, the Saints decided to spot the rest of the NFC South the first month of the season before making their charge for the division title. WIN
Falcons (-3.5) over 49ers
With Terrell Owens surprisingly quiet this season, DeAngelo Hall has taken his place as the NFL's leading malcontent -- further evidence that nature abhors a vacuum. WIN
Redskins (-3.5) over Jets
Eric Mangini finally realized what the rest of the world concluded a month ago and decided to bench Chad Pennington. Too bad that his reluctance to yank Pennington's job will cost Mangini his own job. LOSS
Bills (+1) over Bengals
I'm sure that Chad Johnson is angry that Jonathan Papelbon stole his celebratory Riverdance, but Chad should know that you actually need to get into the end zone before you have the right to start dancing. WIN
Seahawks (+1.5) over Browns
On Sunday, the Seahawks and Browns will battle it out for the right to be called the least deserving 5-3 team in the NFL. LOSS
Patriots (-5) over Colts
If you read ESPN's Tuesday Morning Quarterback, you'll know that this Sunday's late game is the ultimate battle between good and evil. Notwithstanding the fact that TMQ is full of crap, I've never been more happy to be called a Satan worshipper. LOSS
Raiders (-3) over Texans
And here's a game that nobody in America will be watching, including the folks in Oakland who are having their home market blacked out. (Raiders fans are secretly cheering, knowing that they'll get to watch Pats-Colts and see a couple of real teams play.) LOSS
Cowboys (-3) over Eagles
Tony Romo is hoping that the thought of his rumored lap dance by Britney Spears will cause Donovan McNabb to reprise his Super Bowl XXXIX performance and blow chunks on the field. WIN
Steelers (-9.5) over Ravens
Ray Lewis called Adalius Thomas a coward after Thomas criticized his former team. Thomas responded by saying that while he might be a coward, at least he's not a killer. WIN
BEST BET: Titans (-4) over Panthers WIN
ELIMINATOR: Dallas Cowboys WIN
THE MONKEY: Jets (+3.5) over Redskins WIN
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