Playing The Spread 2K7, Week 13

The NFL community was shocked on Monday when news broke that Washington Redskins safety Sean Taylor was shot in the leg by an intruder while relaxing in his Miami-area home. Early signs suggested that Taylor was aware of his surroundings and on the path to recovery, but in the end, the excessive blood loss proved too much for Taylor to handle and he passed away at the age of 24.

It seems like just yesterday (in fact, it was less than a year ago) that we mourned the tragic death of Darrent Williams, the second-year cornerback for the Denver Broncos who was slain in a drive-by shooting during the wee hours of New Year's Day. Then, in May, Patriots defensive end Marquise Hill drowned while jet skiing in his home state of Louisiana.

The NFL has experienced much grief over the past year. One would hope the fact that three promising young players died in the span of eleven months is merely a coincidence. After all, police still don't have a motive in the Williams slaying and don't believe that Williams was even the intended target of the shots. And when it comes to Taylor, police currently believe that the attack was a robbery gone bad, not a calculated act of gang-land blood vengeance. Taylor just happened to be the wrong person who was in his fancy house when it was invaded at the wrong time.

Football fans hope that their favorite players realize how lucky they are to be paid millions of dollars for playing a schoolyard game. Fans hope that players take care of themselves and not subject themselves to unnecessary risks and not associate with the wrong characters. Yeah, maybe Hill made a fatal mistake by not opting to wear a life jacket, but what did Williams do wrong? Party with a bunch of friends? Hire a limo so he wouldn't have to drive after drinking that night? Maybe Taylor's assumedly luxurious home was a target to robbers, but can you really fault a multi-millionaire for wanting to live somewhere nice?

We all wish we had more answers and I wish I could give them to you.

The following picks are for entertainment purposes only and should not be the basis for any actual cash wagers.

Last Week: 6-10
Season To Date: 81-84-11
Best Bets: 7-5
Eliminator: 9-3 (Streak: L 1)
The Monkey: 5-5-2

Cowboys (-7) over Packers
The Thursday night matchup features the third Game of the Century played this season. Too bad fans (at least those who can even get the game) will have to listen to the insufferable Bryant Gumbel provide such gems as, "it would behoove the Falcons to get a first down here." WIN

Jets (+1) over Dolphins
Ricky Williams' season is over thanks to a tear of his chest muscle. He wanted to keep on playing but the NFL denied his request for permission to use medical marijuana. WIN

Vikings (-3.5) over Lions
I could make relentless fun of Jon Kitna for predictably choking just when his team looked like they were for real, but that wouldn't be the Christian thing to do. Thank goodness I'm a Jew. WIN

Seahawks (+3) over Eagles
The Eagles are rewarding A.J. Feeley for nearly pulling off the biggest upset of the season by letting Donovan McNabb have his job back if he's healthy. Sucks to be a white quarterback, huh? WIN

Titans (-4) over Texans
My early-season "sexy pick" to make the playoffs has faltered. Fortunately, they managed to get their hands on the footage shot last week by Chad Johnson hoping that it will give them the edge they need to prevail over the Titans. WIN

Colts (-7) over Jaguars
How good can a wide receiver really be if the first four letters of his name are "crap"? LOSS

Redskins (-5.5) over Bills
My intended joke about the Bills hiring Jeff Giloolly to ensure a win over the Skins this week quickly took a turn into bad taste with the news that broke early Tuesday morning. Instead, I see Sean Taylor's tragic death as an event that will galvanize the Redskins and get them to play strong, united football for all 60 minutes (not just 58) of each game down the stretch en route to a possible playoff spot. LOSS

Chargers (-5.5) over Chiefs
Philip Rivers yelled at Chargers fans to shut up after he was booed off the field on Sunday. I could never see Tom Brady in such a situation, primarily because he never does anything that warrants booing. WIN

49ers (+3) over Panthers
Every 49ers victory takes the Patriots one step away from an early first round draft pick that they totally don't need but would be awesome to get, if only to shove a middle finger in the face of every other team in the NFL. (It would be even more awesome if the Pats had a better draft pick than the Jets.) LOSS

Falcons (E) over Rams
(Broadway Joe finished his career with the Rams, which is how I justify using this joke for this game.) Sources have revealed that Jake Gyllenhaal will play Joe Namath in a film depicting the Hall of Fame quarterback's life. No word on whether Heath Ledger has been cast as Suzy Kolber in the "I want to kiss you!" scene. LOSS

Browns (E) over Cardinals
In one of the less brilliant decisions of the season, Arizona elected to field a punt at its own two-yard line in overtime rather than letting the ball potentially bounce into the end zone for a touchback. Kurt Warner fumbled a snap in the end zone and the 49ers covered it for the touchdown and the win. People wonder why the Cardinals are mediocre year after year. The desert heat is obviously doing something to their cognitive functions. LOSS

Broncos (-3.5) over Raiders
Every single instinct I've had about the Broncos this year has been dead wrong. Therefore, I'm basing my selection for this game on my instinct that the Raiders consistently suck. LOSS

Saints (-3) over Bucs
Jeff Garcia is fighting a back injury and might not play this weekend. Bucs fans and Garcia's Playboy Playmate wife both want him to make a quick recovery, but for vastly different reasons. LOSS

Giants (-1.5) over Bears
Eli Manning's uncontrollable inferiority complex led him to seek to emulate big brother Peyton once again last week. Once again though, Eli proved inferior, throwing only four interceptions to Peyton's six. WIN

Bengals (+7) over Steelers
After Heinz Field became the biggest quagmire this side of Iraq last Monday night, the Steelers have decided to play the rest of their home games according to Canadian rules, hoping that awarding a single-point rouge for touchback punts and missed field goals actually allows teams to score during the first 59 minutes and 40 seconds of the game. LOSS

Patriots (-20.5) over Ravens
Having experienced my team barely eke out a win against the Eagles, I can now definitively say that blowing teams out of the water is much more fun. LOSS

BEST BET: Giants (-1.5) over Bears WIN
ELIMINATOR: New England Patriots WIN

THE MONKEY: Jets (+1) over Dolphins WIN