Playing The Spread 2K7, Week 9

An annual feature of Playing The Spread around this time of year is our ride on the coaching carousel. In this space, I predict which coaches are most at risk of being fired at the end of the season, if not before. Last year, I correctly predicted the postseason demise of Dennis Green and Art Shell while missing the boat on Mike Sherman and not foreseeing that the Lions would give Matt Millen a seventh chance to turn things around (looks like the seventh time is the charm). Here's this year's crop of likely losers.

Scott Linehan, Rams - The St. Louis Rams are sorry remnants of what used to be the Greatest Show On Turf. They won one Super Bowl early this decade and lost to the Patriots the next year. Since then, they haven't caught a whiff of the big game. The Rams are winless through eight weeks of the season. Even Mike Martz would do a better job than Linehan.

Mike Nolan, 49ers - Nolan is better known for his fight with the NFL for his right to wear a suit on the sidelines than for any on-field product. However, NFL owners are far more concerned with winning than with having a nice outfit on game day -- just ask Bill Belichick. While the 49ers have been hampered by injuries this year (which obviously aren't Nolan's fault), they need to shake things up in order to recapture their prior glory.

Eric Mangini, Jets - The Jets were evidently impressed with the Boy Wonder's performance in one year as Bill Belichick's defensive coordinator, giving him their head coaching job at the ripe age of 35. Mangini has proven green, and I'm not talking about the color of the Jets uniforms. With talent like Chad Pennington, Laveranues Cole, Thomas Jones, and D'Brickashaw Ferguson, the Jets should at least be competitive in a weak AFC East (Patriots notwithstanding). It looks like Mangini needed Belichick more than Belichick needed Mangini.

Andy Reid, Eagles - Reid has taken the Eagles from Super Bowl contender to laughing stock of the NFC East. He presided over the Terrell Owens fiasco in 2005 and was criticized for questionable play calling and clock management in seasons since. The Eagles are clearly moving in the wrong direction, and if they don't reverse course soon, Reid could find himself on the chopping block. In fact, it would probably be a good idea for Reid to spend less time around his team and more time around his insubordinate children.

The following picks are for entertainment purposes only and should not be the basis for any actual cash wagers.

Last Week: 8-5
Season To Date: 56-52-8
Best Bets: 4-4
Eliminator: 6-2 (Streak: L 1)
The Monkey: 4-3-1

Bucs (-3.5) over Cardinals
Kurt Warner continues his quest to become the best one-handed athlete since Jim Abbott. WIN

Lions (-3) over Broncos
At least the folks in Denver still have the Broncos. On second thought, when you lose at home to an NFC team with a hilariously pathetic running game, you can pretty much kiss the postseason goodbye. WIN

Titans (-4) over Panthers
Now that Vinny Testaverde's fourth annual comeback from retirement is over, the Panthers will have to make do with human tackling dummy David Carr. WIN

Packers (+2.5) over Chiefs
The Packers look like the best team in the NFC right now, which is kind of like saying that Posh was the most musically talented member of the Spice Girls. WIN

Chargers (-7) over Vikings
The rumor floating around this week was that the Vikings were interested in having Jeff George come out of retirement to lend them a hand. They would have pursued Ryan Leaf, but he was too busy handing out free tacos when the Vikings tried to call him on Tuesday afternoon. LOSS

Saints (-3) over Jaguars
Just to be good sports, the Saints decided to spot the rest of the NFC South the first month of the season before making their charge for the division title. WIN

Falcons (-3.5) over 49ers
With Terrell Owens surprisingly quiet this season, DeAngelo Hall has taken his place as the NFL's leading malcontent -- further evidence that nature abhors a vacuum. WIN

Redskins (-3.5) over Jets
Eric Mangini finally realized what the rest of the world concluded a month ago and decided to bench Chad Pennington. Too bad that his reluctance to yank Pennington's job will cost Mangini his own job. LOSS

Bills (+1) over Bengals
I'm sure that Chad Johnson is angry that Jonathan Papelbon stole his celebratory Riverdance, but Chad should know that you actually need to get into the end zone before you have the right to start dancing. WIN

Seahawks (+1.5) over Browns
On Sunday, the Seahawks and Browns will battle it out for the right to be called the least deserving 5-3 team in the NFL. LOSS

Patriots (-5) over Colts
If you read ESPN's Tuesday Morning Quarterback, you'll know that this Sunday's late game is the ultimate battle between good and evil. Notwithstanding the fact that TMQ is full of crap, I've never been more happy to be called a Satan worshipper. LOSS

Raiders (-3) over Texans
And here's a game that nobody in America will be watching, including the folks in Oakland who are having their home market blacked out. (Raiders fans are secretly cheering, knowing that they'll get to watch Pats-Colts and see a couple of real teams play.) LOSS

Cowboys (-3) over Eagles
Tony Romo is hoping that the thought of his rumored lap dance by Britney Spears will cause Donovan McNabb to reprise his Super Bowl XXXIX performance and blow chunks on the field. WIN

Steelers (-9.5) over Ravens
Ray Lewis called Adalius Thomas a coward after Thomas criticized his former team. Thomas responded by saying that while he might be a coward, at least he's not a killer. WIN

BEST BET: Titans (-4) over Panthers WIN
ELIMINATOR: Dallas Cowboys WIN

THE MONKEY: Jets (+3.5) over Redskins WIN