Playing The Spread, Week 16

With two weeks remaining in the NFL season, it's time for everyone's favorite exercise in whining (that doesn't involve T.O., that is). Pro Bowl selections were revealed on Monday and there were very surprises. San Diego led the pack with nine selections followed by Chicago with eight, the Patriots were disrespected once again with Richard Seymour as their lone representative, and the same offensive linemen keep getting elected year after year on the basis of reputation, even if they've been on injured reserve for half the year.

The NFL stands alone among major American sports leagues because it does not select its all-star game starters on the basis of a pure fan ballot. Rather, fan voting counts for one-third, while voting by the players and the coaches comprises the other two-thirds. Supposedly, when players and coaches are involved, there is much less likelihood that the voting process will be a glorified popularity contest. Robinson Cano would never be an all-star starter in the NFL. But in the NFL, unlike the other leagues, fans have a say in the reserve selections as well. There are no problems when it comes to running backs -- nobody would argue that LaDanian Tomlinson, Larry Johnson, and Willie Parker don't deserve to represent the AFC. When it comes to anonymous offensive linemen, however, unsung guys like Matt Light stand no chance when Larry Allen and Matt Birk make it on name recognition each year, regardless of medicore play or old age. I support the NFL's desire to get fans involved in the process, but when expert decisions need to be made, the NFL should leave it to the experts (namely, the coaches of the AFC and NFC teams, or a panel of general managers).

Then again, why do we even care? Half of this year's starters will pull a Manny Ramirez and opt out with phony injuries anyway. For everyone else, it's a free trip to Hawaii with the caveat that they must play a glorifed flag football game on Sunday afternoon. Since the game is at the end of the season, it's an anti-climax after the Super Bowl. The moral of the story is that while the selection process seems flawed in my opinion, it's really not even worth the time complaining about it.

As usual, the following selections are for recreational purposes only and should not be the basis of any actual cash wagers.

Last week: 10-6
Season to date: 110-107-7
Best bets: 6-9
Eliminator: 13-2 (Streak: W 5)

Packers (-3) over Vikings
Since the Vikings are ending their season on a sinking ship, they might as well bring some strippers aboard. LOSS

Chiefs (-6.5) over Raiders
Oakland just suffered its third shutout of the season. Now, I know that Al Davis doesn't tolerate mediocrity, but why does he insist on replacing mediocrity with more mediocrity? Clearly, Art Shell was not the answer Al Davis was looking for. WIN

Patriots (+3) over Jaguars
New England, a team that's leading the AFC East at 10-4, had all of one player selected for the Pro Bowl, allowing the Pats to cry about a lack of respect. Bill Belichick would want it no other way. WIN

Bears (-4.5) over Lions
Sincee the Bears have wrapped up home-field advantage, you might think that they have nothing to play for and Sunday's matchup against the Lions could be a classic trap game. But Rex Grossman has far too many critics needing to be silenced to lay an egg on Sunday. WIN

Redskins (+2) over Rams
I'm not going to say that Washington is better with Jason Campbell and Ladell Betts, instead of Mark Brunell and Clinton Portis, but they are certainly not worse. LOSS

Giants (-3) over Saints
The best part of last week's game was when the Giants gave up a passing touchdown, a two-point conversion, and an interception return for a touchdown in an 11-second span. I'm glad to see that Peyton taught his little brother how to make the sulky face. LOSS

Ravens (+3) over Steelers
Well, it looks like the Steelers finally got around to trying to defend their Super Bowl title. If they hadn't waited until mid-November, they might have actually had a shot. WIN

Falcons (-6) over Panthers
Don't frustrated, Chris Weinke. I know you haven't won a game that you started since the opening weekend of 2001, but you know what they say -- 18th time's a charm! LOSS

Titans (+4.5) over Bills
Another week, another improbable comeback victory for Team Heroes. This past Sunday, we found out that the Titans' offense has a superhuman alter ego (in the form of the Titans' defense) that comes to the rescue and scores touchdowns when the offense is completely helpless. WIN

Colts (-9) over Texans
It would make my year to see Peyton and company choke against the Texans of all teams. Maybe Peyton should spend less time making commercials and more time not sucking. LOSS

Browns (-3) over Bucs
Well, the Bruce Gradkowski era has come and gone. Now, let the brave new world of the Tim Rattay era commence! LOSS

49ers (-4) over Cardinals
If the Niners can somehow run the table and the Seahawks somehow crap out in both of their remaining games, San Francisco will win the NFC West (and get a home playoff game!) with the oh-so-impressive record of 8-8. It just goes to show how mediocre the NFC is this year. LOSS

Broncos (-3) over Bengals
Former Dallas Cowboys quarterback Quincy Carter was arrested last week for marijuana possession. The Bengals sent someone from their front office down to the lockup in order to bail him out if he signed a contract on the spot. LOSS

Chargers (-4.5) over Seahawks
LaDanian Tomlinson is sick. I mean, disgustingly sick. He shatters the NFL scoring record with two weeks to pad his lead. Is there any doubt that the road to the Super Bowl goes through San Diego as long as this guy is playing? I think not. LOSS

Eagles (+7) over Cowboys
Terrell Owens' publicist issued a statement this week telling the world that T.O. had 35,000 reasons not to spit in anyone's face ever again. And even if he does, he won't go bragging about it on live television. WIN

Jets (+2.5) over Dolphins
One of the greatest things about the NFL is the fact that a team thought to have no chance at the playoffs when the season began can lock horns in Week 16 against a squad thought to be a shoo-in for the postseason (with a decent chance at the Super Bowl, no less), but with their roles completely reversed. WIN

BEST BET: Bears (-4.5) over Lions WIN
ELIMINATOR: Indianapolis Colts Happiest Eliminator LOSS ever!