Sunday, December 10, 2006

Top Five Presidential Mistresses

1. Sally Hemings (Jefferson)
Thomas Jefferson was America's original Baby Daddy, allegedly fathering at least one and perhaps all seven of his slave's children. Making the matter more controversial was Jefferson's public statement that interracial "amalgamation" degrades the character of the nation. The rumors started before Jefferson took office as president and continued for two hundred years, until a 2000 study established with fairly definite certainty that Hemings' children were indeed fathered by Jefferson.

2. Monica Lewinsky (Clinton)
It is every man's ultimate fantasy to receive a hummer from a marginally-attractive subordinate while sitting at your desk at work. If Bill Clinton had only been honest about it, chances are that American men would have sympathized and he would have never been impeached. My only question is why the leader of the free world, who could have had his pick of any woman in the country, chose her?

3. Maria Crofts Halpin (Cleveland)
While Grover Cleveland never either confirmed or denied the persistent rumor that he fathered an illegitimate child, he did pay child support to Halpin for the son that she named Oscar Folsom Cleveland. The allegations spurred Cleveland's political detractors to jeer him with the chant, "Ma, Ma, where's my Pa? Gone to the White House, ha ha ha!"

4. Lucy Mercer (F.D. Roosevelt)
If you were married to a woman who looked like Eleanor Roosevelt, you would have cheated also. Mercer was Eleanor's social secretary, and soon after she was hired, Franklin began to have an affair with her. Once Eleanor discovered a stack of love letters from Lucy to Franklin, she demanded that Franklin cease the affair, or she would pursue a divorce. Franklin agreed to terminate the affair, but he evidently had his fingers crossed behind his back, since the affair eventually resumed and continued on-and-off for the duration of Franklin's life. Mercer was allegedly present with Franklin when he was on his deathbed.

5. William R. King (Buchanan)
James Buchanan was America's only bachelor president and rumors have alleged that Buchanan was homosexual. For fifteen years before he became president, Buchanan shared a house (and possibly a bed) with King, who would later become Vice President. Behind Buchanan's back, Andrew Jackson referred to King as "Aunt Fancy" and "Miss Nancy," while another political rival called King "Buchanan's better half."

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