Playing The Spread 2K7, Week 17

This is it -- the game that all of us here in the New England area had hoped would transpire back in early October, well before the Red Sox won the World Series. When the Pats started their season by scoring 38 points in the first three games, with Tom Brady throwing touchdowns to Randy Moss at will, with even supposed contenders like the Chargers and the Cowboys falling by the wayside, Patriots fans fantasized about a perfect season, one that would shut the 1972 Dolphins up for good.

Now, it's here. The Pats are on the cusp of a perfect regular season. All it will take is 60 minutes of halfway-decent football against a team that has nothing to play for and shouldn't have its starters on the field after the ten-minute mark of the second quarter. After Bill Belichick was fined for having perfectly legitimate footage of defensive signals shot from an improper location, the Pats became fired up and have unleashed their aggression on any poor opponent who, through the vagaries of the NFL schedule, is forced to stand in their way. Whether you love them or hate them, you need to respect them.

It doesn't seem like it should be that hard to win sixteen straight games in the NFL. Major League Baseball has some team with that kind of winning streak just about every season. Heck, the Boston Celtics had an eighteen-game streak last year. (Granted, it was a losing streak, which is arguably easier to pull off than a winning streak, but still....) In the NFL, however, parity reigns supreme. Strict salary caps, unbalanced schedules, and the copycat nature of the league make it very difficult for any one team to dominate its competitors. As a result, the Pats' perfection is an even greater accomplishment.

The rest of the country will be watching this game and hoping that the Pats go down, feeling that the Boston area has gotten more than its share of sports karma over the past seven years. I stick my tongue out at them. They should have done a better job picking a team to follow.

The following picks are for entertainment purposes only and should not be the basis for any actual cash wagers.

Last Week: 5-11
Season To Date: 110-119-11
Best Bets: 10-6
Eliminator: 13-3 (Streak: W 4)
The Monkey: 8-6-2

Patriots (-13.5) over Giants
The only downside to going 16-0 is that the milestone is absolutely meaningless unless the Pats win the Super Bowl. For now, let's just enjoy it. LOSS

Bengals (-3) over Dolphins
The only downside to almost going 0-16 is that the milestone is accompanied by the obligation to pay top dollar for an unproven, uncertain college junior in next spring's draft. WIN

Bills (+7.5) over Eagles
You can pencil the Bills in for a playoff berth next year, assuming they don't move to Canada in the meanwhile. LOSS

Seahawks (+1) over Falcons
I wonder whether they get the NFL Network at the Northern Neck Regional Jail in Warsaw, Virginia. I guess it doesn't matter anymore, since on Saturday night, Michael Vick will be able to see how a quarterback who doesn't have a dog-strangling hobby is capable of playing. LOSS

Saints (-2) over Bears
When the powers-that-be put the schedule together, they anticipated that this rematch of last year's NFC Championship would be a preview of a potential playoff matchup. Oops. LOSS

Bucs (+3) over Panthers
You know those touch football games you used to play in the backyard, where you'd switch off who played quarterback each series while everyone else went out for a pass? Well, the Panthers might be best off resorting to such a strategy for the final game of the season. LOSS

Browns (-10) over 49ers
Cleveland is in the unusual position where their playoff berth is completely out of their control. Whether the Browns win or lose, the final AFC wild card spot will be determined by the Tennessee-Indianapolis game. So, do you play hard or do you mail it in? Romeo Crennel is a Bill Belichick disciple, which means he is mentally incapable of resting his starters. WIN

Packers (-4) over Lions
If the Lions were a college football team, the 8-8 record they'd secure with a win this week would qualify them for a spot in the ThirdRateAutoInsuranceCompany.com Bowl to be played January 21st in Little Rock, Arkansas. Thanks goodness for the NFL! WIN

Jaguars (+6.5) over Texans
The fact that all but two playoff berths have been sown up means that Week 17 features such oddities as the fourth-best team in football being one-touchdown underdogs to a divisional rival with a sub-.500 record. LOSS

Chargers (-8) over Raiders
Lane Kiffin has one last chance to impress Al Davis before he must go before his boss and grovel to keep his job for another year. WIN

Jets (-6.5) over Chiefs
If it weren't for the new flex scheduling arrangement, this stinker would be the final Sunday Night Football game of the year. LOSS

Cardinals (-6) over Rams
Another year, another Week 17 game for the Cardinals with no possibility of making the playoffs. WIN

Cowboys (+9) over Redskins
Out goes Terrell Owens, in comes Terry Glenn. At least Bill Parcells never questioned T.O.'s masculinity. LOSS

Vikings (-3) over Broncos
If the Vikings end up missing out on the playoffs, they have nobody to blame but themselves. When you get slaughtered by the team that's breathing down your neck, you don't deserve to be playing in January. LOSS

Steelers (-3.5) over Ravens
The only good news for the Ravens is that their 2007 losing streak will come to an end this Sunday, one way or the other. LOSS

Titans (-6) over Colts
No team lies down and plays dead in Week 17 like the Colts. They seem all too happy to hand this game, and the resulting wild card spot, to the division rival Titans. TIE

BEST BET: Vikings (-3) over Broncos LOSS
ELIMINATOR: Tennessee Titans WIN

THE MONKEY: Bengals (-3) over Dolphins WIN