Top Five Places I'll Never Be Able To Visit

Never is probably an overstatement, but visiting any of the places on this list would require either navigating some serious red tape or some out-and-out deception.

1. Tehran, Iran
I found out just the other day that, counter to the desert outpost stereotype of a Middle Eastern city, Tehran sits below a towering range of mountains which regularly experiences snowfall during the winter months. Just a few kilometers outside the city lies the start of the world's highest ski lift, taking passengers near to the top of a ridge near the 13,005 foot summit of Mt. Tochal. If you look at pictures of Tehran and ignore the signs in Farsi, you'd swear it was Denver. But while Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has proclaimed that his country is open to American tourism, a visa application nonetheless requires you to provide two residents of Iran who will serve as references. I'm told that the government actually shows up and grills them.

2. Mecca, Saudi Arabia
Getting a visa for Saudi Arabia is trouble enough, since the country does not allow people to enter for touristic purposes. Therefore, I need to find some business purpose to go to the country, or suddenly find family there, or claim I'm a religious pilgrim. Even if I make into Saudi Arabia though, the holy city of Mecca is only open to those of the Muslim faith. I'd love to experience the spectacle of the Hajj and take in the beauty of the Kaaba firsthand, but I don't know whether I'm willing to convert to a new faith to do so.

3. Pyongyang, North Korea
Kim Jong Il's dystopia is something straight out of 1984. A massive planned society, every member of North Korea's homogenized society knows their role and follows the rules, leaving the city squeaky clean and the roads largely free of traffic (which is easy to do since only the highest-ranking members of the party faithful are allowed to drive). Monumental, futurist works of architecture are dedicated in honor of the Eternal President and the Dear Leader. American tourists are only allowed into the country a couple of weeks each year, and then, they're only allowed on strictly controlled tours run by government officials. In other words, you only see what they want you to see.

4. Havana, Cuba
Cuba is the ultimate forbidden fruit for Americans. While seeing a world essentially frozen in the 1950's sounds cool, the fact of the matter is that Cuba is so attractive largely because it's off-limits. Not too long ago, Americans could circumvent the embargo by traveling via a third country and avoiding the telltale passport stamp. But the Bush administration has decided to enforce a policy that's obviously worked so well over the past forty years by cracking down on individual tourists who visit Fidel Castro's regime. Once the old guy kicks the bucket, American tourists will flock to the island, but once that happens, what's the point of bothering to go?

5. Antarctica
You can't exactly book a commercial flight to Antarctica, though if you're willing to do some research and throw some money at it, you can find yourself an eco-tourism cruise expedition that will take you to the bottom of the world. Therein lies the rub, since I tend to avoid both cruises and organized tours. Additionally, an expedition exploring anything beyond the tip of the Antarctic Peninsula would involve some intensive, cold-weather hiking and camping. I'll hike all day and I'll sleep in crappy budget hotels in third-world countries, but camping? Count me out.