Playing The Spread, Week 8

It is time to resurrect a popular midseason Playing the Spread tradition: the coaching carousel. In this space, somewhere around Week 8, I predict which head coaches are in serious danger of losing their position before the season ends. This year’s edition is more difficult than usual, since most of the teams doing poorly are led by rookie or sophomore coaches, who generally get a free pass on the coaching carousel, but some prime candidates nevertheless exist.

Dennis Green, Cardinals - Someone needs to explain to me how a head coach can still be employed, when his team, under his watchful eye, goes 12-27, then blows a 20-point lead against the Chicago Bears, despite a defense that made six takeaways and didn't allow a touchdown.

Mike Sherman, Packers - They need to shake things up in Green Bay, which means that either Brett Favre or Mike Sherman needs to go, now. Guess what? It ain't gonna be Favre.

Art Shell, Raiders - Generally speaking, a first-year head coach should be safe from the firing line. However, when your boss is Emperor Al Davis and it's your second chance at the job, all bets are off.

Matt Millen, Lions - So he's not actually a head coach, but the revolving door of wide receiver first-round draft picks and the .253 winning percentage during his tenure should be grounds for immediate termination. Oh, and the fact he was thoroughly unqualified for the job to begin with.

The following picks are for entertainment purposes only and should not be the basis for any actual cash wagers.

Last week: 5-7-1
Season to date: 54-40-6
Best bets: 2-5
Eliminator: 6-1 (Streak: L 1)

Eagles (-7) over Jaguars
Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Two weeks ago, we were talking about the Jags as a possible Super Bowl dark horse. On Sunday, they lost to the Texans, which, in my mind, effectively disqualifies you from being mentioned in the same sentence as the Super Bowl. LOSS

Falcons (+4.5) over Bengals
Little known fact: Chad Johnson and the WWE's Viscera use the same hairstylist. WIN

Packers (-3.5) over Cardinals
It's the last week of October, which is right about the time that the tundra at Lambeau Field starts to freeze. Enjoy the last week of the Dennis Green era in Arizona. WIN

Titans (-3) over Houston
It is written into the NFL rulebook that the Houston Texans are entitled one and only one major upset each year. They used it up last week against Jacksonville. Oh well, I guess they're used to 4-12 by now. WIN

Chiefs (-6) over Seahawks
In the battle of the backups, I'll take Damon Huard over Seneca Wallace any day. WIN

Saints (-2) over Ravens
New Orleans' 5-1 start is much less impressive when you consider that the games are rigged as part of the Bush administration's election year ploy to make everyone forget about Hurricane Katrina. LOSS

Bucs (+9) over Giants
Who cares if it took the third-longest kick in NFL history? Tampa Bay has officially turned their season around. WIN

Bears (-16.5) over 49ers
There are some teams out there that are truly charmed. When your QB has the worst day of his short career and your offense can't even score a touchdown, yet you manage to bounce back from a 20-point deficit, you know you are a Team of Destiny. Super Bowl or bust! WIN

Rams (+10) over Chargers
There is no truth to the rumor that while Shawn Merriman is serving his drug suspension, the Chargers will be filling the roster spot with Barry Bonds. LOSS

Jets (+2) over Browns
Interesting matchup here, since the two head coaches in this game were the last two defensive coordinators for the Patriots. I'll go with the team that has managed to stay relevant thusfar during the season. LOSS

Broncos (-3) over Colts
Please, Denver, knock off the Colts at Mile High this weekend so we can be spared the endless media obsession with "Can Peyton Manning lead his team to an undefeated season!" But if Denver can't do the job, I'm sure the Pats will be licking their chops while waiting in the wings for next Sunday. LOSS

Raiders (+9) over Steelers
After the Raiders finally notched a win last Sunday, the 1974 Buccaneers were able to pop the champagne. Can lightning strike twice? With Charlie Batch lining up under center for the opponents, quite possibly. WIN

Panthers (-5.5) over Cowboys
If you had third quarter of Week 7 in your Tony Romo pool, then you win. While I think Drew Bledsoe sucks, he's still a good guy who deserves better. Didn't hear much from T.O. this week. LOSS

Patriots (-2) over Vikings
I've heard the term "silent assassins" bandied about to describe the Pats. It seems rather appropriate. With a depleted wide receiver corps, Minnesota will have to rely on the run game. New England will counter with Richard Seymour. And Vince Wilfork. And Mike Vrabel. And Tedy Bruschi. And Junior Seau. And Ty Warren. And Rosevelt Colvin. WIN

BEST BET: Jets (+2) over Browns (selected manually this time) LOSS
ELIMINATOR: New York Giants WIN