Playing The Spread, Week 2

I'd like to ask for a mulligan on my prediction that the Dallas Cowboys will win Super Bowl XLI. You see, I was all caught up in the coaching genius of Bill Parcells and the fact that Terrell Owens has finally found his big mouth (not to mention ego) a place where it can thrive, so I completely forgot the obvious fact that Drew Bledsoe is the quarterback. Had it not been for fondly-remembered back-to-back come-from-behind wins with the Patriots in 1998 (as well as the fact that Peyton Manning took up three spots on his own), Bledsoe would have found himself on my list of Top Five Least Clutch NFL Quarterbacks.

Allow us to dissect last Sunday's game: First with the Cowboys down 17-10 and driving for the touchdown that would tie the game, Bledsoe throws an interception at the Cowboys' 40-yard line that enables the Jaguars to take possession and drive five plays for a TD that put them up by 14. Then after pulling back within seven at 24-17 and holding the Jags to a three-and-out after a failed onside kick, Bledsoe takes the ball at his own 20-yard-line and on the very first play throws an interception. But hold on, because the replay booth challenges the play, and after further review, the pass is ruled incomplete. So Bledsoe has new life, which he promptly squanders in classic Bledsoe fashion by taking a sack and throwing yet another interception (this one counts) -- his third of the game.

Consider further that Dallas has been forced to use a backup kicker, who doinked a 36-yarder off the right goalpost, while high-priced disgruntled Canadian idiot kicker Mike Vanderjagt is sideline with what I believe is a dubious injury and you have a recipe for disaster.

Now if the students of the oft-mistaken instant history school of analysis had their way, we'd be predicting a Chargers-Bears or Ravens-Bears Super Bowl. But let's not be hasty -- the season has just started and much football remains to be played.

As always, the following picks are for entertainment purposes only and should not be used as the basis for any actual cash wagers. Do as I say, not as I do.

Last week: 9-7
Best bets: 0-1
Eliminator: 1-0

Patriots (-6) over Jets
While there has been a proliferation of Bill Belichick disciples among the NFL's head coaching ranks lately -- Nick Saban, Romeo Crennel, and now Eric Mangini -- I do not fear a matchup of Belichick and his former proteges. Why? Since Belichick taught them everything they know, Belichick can read exactly what's going on in their heads. WIN

Ravens (-12) over Raiders
New season, same dysfunction over in Al Davis Land. This time, inactive wide receiver was caught pumping his fist and laughing in the stands while his quarterback got sacked. His excuse? He wasn't watching the game. Gee, that sure inspires confidence in the team. WIN

Saints (-2) over Packers
Week one of the Aaron Rodgers era in Green Bay needs to start now. It's not that Brett Favre can't hack it as well as Rodgers, it's just that they might as well scrap the season and call it a rebuilding year right now. They'll end up going 3-13 anyway. WIN

Colts (-13.5) over Texans
I hope the folks in Houston are reeeeal glad they passed over Reggie Bush in favor of Mario Williams for the number-one pick in the draft. WIN

Bills (+7) over Dolphins
I was actually quite impressed with the Bills' defense on Sunday. Their fourth-and-one play calling? Not so much. Besides, Daunte Culpepper seems to have real trouble figuring out which color jersey to throw to. WIN

Panthers (-1.5) over Vikings
Steve Smith is listed as questionable, and while I doubt he will ultimately play, I don't think he's the make-or-break factor for Carolina. Something just tells me they'll bounce back fine from last week's demoralizing loss. LOSS

Bucs (+5.5) over Falcons
Jon Gruden won't let his team play like crap two weeks in a row. Chris Simms' status is questionable because it's unclear whether he'll make the game on time since he's supposed to have his first communion on Sunday morning. LOSS

Eagles (-3) over Giants
I wanted to work this in somehow, so here goes: The Giants won Super Bowl XXV. Whitney Houston sang one of the most stirring renditions of the national anthem in recent history at Super Bowl XXV. Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown are the most telegenic and heartwarming couple on television this side of Ward and June Cleaver. But, after fourteen years of loving, happy, respect-filled marriage, the couple have decided to separate. Click here to find out how Whitney broke the news to Bobby. LOSS

Bears (-8.5) over Lions
The spread scares me a bit but I'm pulling for those folks in Chicago who want another weekend of free furniture. WIN

Browns (+10) over Bengals
Cinci on the giving end of a double-digit spread? Welcome to the NFL in 2006. I just don't think Crennel and Company will let this divisional game get out of hand. LOSS

Rams (-3) over 49ers
The spread in this game is a Jeff Wilkins field goal and after kicking six of them last weekend, I see no reason why he should stop now. LOSS

Seahawks (-7) over Cardinals
Great win last Sunday, Arizona. Now comes the first of the fourteen games that don't involve San Francisco. Good luck! WIN

Broncos (-10.5) over Chiefs
Trent Green is down and out for several weeks so the Chiefs now lie in the hands of Damon Huard. Yes, he is still playing in this league. LOSS

Chargers (-10.5) over Titans
This game is the fifth this weekend with a double-digit spread, which always scares me. But if the Chargers can lay a bagel job on Oakland without a passing game, imagine what they can do with all cylinders running. WIN

Redskins (+6) over Cowboys
Despite their miscues last week and the calls to let Tony Romo start the game, Dallas is still favored by six this weekend over a miserable Redskins team. Sounds like a perfect recipe for Bledsoe to screw up another game. LOSS

Jaguars (+1.5) over Steelers
The Jags showed great resilience in knocking off the Cowboys last week (or at least holding the Cowboys at bay until they self-destructed). While Pittsburgh has shown it can bring its "A" game regardless of whether Ben Roethlisberger is playing, I give the home-field edge to the Jags in what should be a thriller. WIN

BEST BET: Saints (-2) over Packers WIN
ELIMINATOR: Chicago Bears WIN