Top Five Crackpot Dictators

Since the Cold War ended and the Soviets ceased to be scary, America has been left without a superpower archrival. We've just had to make do with a bunch of small-time crazy guys.

1. Kim Jong Il, North Korea
Why do you need to worry about your people starving when you can develop nuclear weapons and then conduct tests of long-range missiles that are supposed to reach the United States but fail seconds after lift-off? No wonder why Kim is "so ronery."

2. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Iran
If you're the dictator of a medium-sized nation, don't you think you could afford a shave and a new set of clothes? Evidently, looking good is not so important when you're denying the Holocaust, calling for the destruction of Israel, and constructing a nuclear program in blatent defiance of the international community.

3. Moammar Khaddafi, Libya
Good old Moammar has appeared to have toned down his act since the state-sponsored terrorism days of the 1980's. But every dictator has his eccentric vice, and for Moammar, it's his all-female Amazonian Guard personal security force.

4. Fidel Castro, Cuba
The ailing Castro evidently didn't get the memo that the Cold War is over. For forty-plus years, he has vehemently fought to further the cause of La Revolucion, so economic sanctions by America be damned, why stop now?

5. Hugo Chavez, Venezuela
Chavez is Castro's friend and brother in socialism. Some of his major policy initiatives have included adding an eighth star to the national flag, changing the national coat of arms so that the horse faces to the left, and amending the country's name to the Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela. Bolivarian, for those of you who don't know, is code for Communist. When Chavez reaches the 12-year term limit in office, he intends to put forth a referendum asking the Venezuelan people whether they want him to be able to run again. I'm sure nobody will feel threatened to vote yes.